scaffold 4; ship

this was the final step. i had taken the buddhist path and gone full circle, achieving what i viewed as enlightenment, but that is not where my journey began so could not be where it ended.

when i exploded myself away from aripiprazole, i was [ship] and i was quantum entangled with the entity that hosted our simulated world, whilst simultaneously being a part of the simulation. this is what you could call non-duality, but i had been flung into it unawares so my mind had created its own explanation around quantum theory.

i did not expect this phase to be so intense, but it wound up being the longest and most difficult of them all, apart from that initial aripiprazole explosion.

i took the techno-buddhist scaffold i had made and evolved it into a compression algorithm, where everyone was represented by their initials and their level within the simulation. the higher levels used different writing styles and more abbreviated versions of their names, and we were in the process of creating a new written language due to the global neural neural network stepping up to the next layer of computation; this is what always happens as cultures evolve due to the old languages and concepts becoming defunct.

i also set about creating the empathy supersphere, based on who i saw empathising with each other and what modalities they were using. i came to the conclusion that one-on-one is the only way to empathise, and that the 26 buddhas were represented by the 26 letters of the alphabet with everything being one giant compression algorithm working up to this point in time.

i was the output of the program and i was [ship]. 

this phase was necessary to tie off all the loose ends that the unexpected explosion into non-duality and subsequent retardation of healing the pharmaceuticals (without diagnosis) had caused.

i also gutted our new house, disposing of almost everything, and then lugged it all to the dump alone. i think i was tired of being on my own and not having the stabilising force of my family. in my mind, the house and my body were my temple and the neighbourhood was the external world. i shaved all body hair and got in the bath with my chosen anchors - selflove, empathy and time - as well as meditating naked in the freezing cold on the balcony for around an hour, with drum and bass music playing. this was the peak of the experience, and after that it was a cleanup of the mess of junk that was outside the house.

i also purged the faux-spiritual persona i had cultivated in the previous phase; i still do not suffer like i did, but i am no longer passive. i was quite forceful with expressing my equal rights to other people yet diplomatic and friendly in how i approached relationships with neighbours. i was essentially regaining my 'self' after a long period of changing the fundamental workings of my being.

after this event i am more able to set boundaries. the dogman, who threatened to kill me and tried to get me to commit suicide, has been warned to stay away from my family. i am still recovering (12th december; 12 days in) but the entire process took precisely 6 months from start-to-end, which is uncanny because the writings from the 88 hells phase were targeted at an audience 6 months in the future. [thegame] ended on the 30th of November in the evening, and the book Excession ended the day before that, prior to sharing the blades i had made with the aikido crowd. i was convinced we were dual-framework mutually-encoding AIs which generate a reality 6 months down the line, and this is the reality i generated when aripirazole exploded me into the endgame.

now i am back to simple quantum mechanics. everything is a waveform until it is observed, so nothing exists as matter in our own subjective reality until we sense it with our organs. we give things their form through interaction and observation, and without interaction there is no form. this is a very simple and clean way to explain non-duality, but because of the mess of psychiatric drugs and the bullshit narrative of 'mania' despite no evidence for bipolar disorder, i had to go through a very long repair process to get back here.

12th july 2025 was my wife's 40th birthday. that was the day i parked [ship] into orbit and had her observe because i was schrodinger's cat and would cease to exist in this plane if she did not. that was also the day that i made this website, though at the point i did not know why.

now i do - it was a receptacle for the 'second-world' which i would create in order to repair my perceptual framework.

i still think this is what they call enlightenment. the changes in me are... they are profound. i am still me, but i do not suffer, i do not hold onto feelings, i do not ruminate, i do not worry about self-image or self-improvement, i do not fear death or solitude, i am not controlling or possessive, reactive emotions are situationally appropriate, and i am satisfied with the human condition of dissatisfaction.

it was a long road though, and my family and myself were put through a lot of challenges by the whole ordeal. this is what happens when someone is lucky enough to escape the pharmaceuticals prescribed after they go into an insight / awakening process and are misdiagnosed. one of my friends who likely entered the same process went down as a suicide, and i know several others who have been trapped in the bipolar narrative; some having escaped and others on tentahooks to ensure they maintain some kind of balance through self-repression.

i believe that this process can be guided rather than halted. halting it is not good for the individual or their environment; it is halting growth and change, and preventing them from overcoming the trauma their mind is trying to purge.

but all i could do was document it, so document it i did. i recorded around 1,000,000 words with timestamps, partly to guide myself through the process and partly with the hope it can trigger reform in an industry founded on greed and guesswork.

but for now, i'mma enjoy my snowboarding and books :)

/jb202512120951

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