Last night saw a couple of dreams: one where I was regulating dopamine (again) and the other where I was trying to catch up with a friend who was partying.
I had gone to Okinawa for a solo trip to blow off steam and was desperately trying to catch up with this mate. For some reason I had my snowboard; stupid thing to take to Okinawa; and I had to get this posted back to Hokkaido first.
I got caught up with the police and took a while to explain that I was.. what was is? People were playing golf and it had rained two days running but they were still desperately searching for their ball in what was essentially a pond. Angry people who drive a Lexus. They were accusing me aof something and the cops decided to interrogate me.
Anyway I left the police station after convincing them of my innocence but for some reason didn’t have my t-shirt any more. So I had to go find that and then try to catch up with my friend.
He was partying somewhere unknown, on a boat it turned out, and I managed to rent a scooter and start hunting him down. I managed to video call him but the reception was choppy and I could barely make out what he was saying. It seemed that somehow my best mate had hopped over from the UK in the meantime and they were both on the party-boat from heaven with loads of girls and alcohol and having the time of their lives.
I was there on my scooter in the rain trying to catch up with them and then I just.. stopped.
I turned around and my kid was playing in a sandbox and I thought ‘that looks fun’ and dropped the entire party-boat thing and went to play in the sand with my boy instead.
I don’t know why I was trying to get on the boat. The friend I was trying to catch up with was a guy I never fully gelled with anyway. A nice guy, but very much set in his manly ways and not really someone who inspires me. High quality vanilla ice cream.
But the thing is, I had no idea why I was there or why I was trying to reach these people. The golfers looked ridiculous to me, the weather was crap, I had the wrong equipment, and I was only there for like 2 days so was rushing around like crazy and wasting my entire break.
And then I turned around and realised that all I wanted to do was play in the sand with my kids.
I guess this is me realising me, or realising more of the conditioning. The rush and struggle to get with all these other people who are rushing and struggling to get their golf balls and drive through the rain so they can get on a boat and just consume substances which make them forget that the clock is still ticking.
Anyway not hugely profound I guess but also… nice. All this time I spent trying to keep up with and better my peers. All these sad men in their fancy cars playing silly games in the rain. All the roadblocks to getting to the boat with the cops and the lost clothes. The fact I rocked up on the island with the wrong gear.
I guess that dance was never for me.
I guess I’d rather play with my kids.
Or continue riding my bike, as the case will be for another week or so. Keep gently going deeper, letting my brain coalesce under this new root code.
/jb202509260650