this was a relatively controlled and lucid encounter with nibbāna, but it validated the theory i had that the mechanics centred around multimodal re-encoding and dopaminergic modulation.
i spent the summer translating the core teachings of the buddha into non-mystical language that would suit a scientific audience. these were the four noble truths, the noble eightfold path, and other aspects such as rebirth and kamma.
i also spent the summer regulating and getting my own dopaminergic environment stable using exercise, bathing, vocalisation and meditation. i expected this phase to take 3-6 months but it was closer to 6 weeks and the entire training log can be found >here<.
i set out on a cycle tour to compress the training cycle and force a peak event, the same way that you would train aerobic endurance through a weeklong low-intensity ride. i spend the days cycling around 5-6 hours, stopping to write to myself as thoughts arose, and listening to nikayas or trance music. i would end the day with a hot bath or sauna-cold-plunge combo and then camp solo, keeping human interaction to a minimum.
by halfway through the tour things started to feel like they were building to a crescendo; my hands didn't look my own and i had unusual cranial sensations. i focused on not forcing it, and then had my cessation event while dreaming on the return ferry.
if the first event felt like it freed up trapped dopamine and fixed my adhd, this event felt like it freed up trapped serotonin and brought a great sense of ease and fluidity to life. i proceeded to export my new understandings of how the buddha taught trauma therapy and how enlightenment is just a cure for maladaptive deep learning, but i could feel that things were ramping up again and was compelled to go with the momentum of the situation instead of allowing a full recovery period before hitting n3.
this is where i started to come to the conclusion that the world mirrors your perceptual framework and that my old framework was crumbling. i created my own map for enlightenment, using more technical languages but based on the theravāda buddhist maps and my experience, and then to define what i wanted out of the process. arahant was not my desired outcome since i have a family, but i was aiming for that level of general peace with life and its various tribulations.
this is where i started to seriously think that i had got a hold on the mechanism, but my understanding was still quite superficial and relying on the buddhist teachings rather than a fully intuited end-to-end model.
i knew i was onto something but i had no idea how much further i had to go. i felt like it would be a slow and steady process from here, but i couldn't have been more wrong.
i believe that this event just unplugged the stopped that valproate had artificially put in place. where aripiprazole exploded me into non-duality, valproate artificially retarded the assimilation of the experience and left me with a fragmented worldview full of gaps and redundancies.
this is where i started the repair process anew, and the rest of the path would be a lot longer and more eventful than anticipated.