parking [ship]

So this is ok for now but this is a permanently ramped dopamine system and ari can ramp it up further which is meaning I don't sleep great. Or at all. I need something more on the sleep side I think. I've always been too fast. Ketamine or something might work but my shrink is an old man who just gives kanpo for everything. He's scared of the way I talk about the meds in a scientific manner so reverts to the one he knows more about. Huh. Yeah I need to change doctors asap. 0019

Guys I have to stress that this stream of consciousness is seriously abridged. This is the way I always am though, plus a smidgen. It's why people with audhd get misdiagnosed bipolar and given valproate which is great because it hits their autism and makes them relax like booze did. But that doesn't hit the adhd side and weed only works for so long so they need dopamine too. Fucking stimulants? You serious? I'm not a stimulant expert; just a fucking very heavy ex-drinker and drug user. Your problem is that you have too much dopamine trashing your receptors and your solution is to ...

Oh shit they still don't know the fucking cause. Fucking scientific method is costing lives now, guys. Get your fucking act together. My friend is dead. 0022

So this site came together easily. Total mess 2 seconds prior and then pop - the big three. Ha. Not planned in the slightest.

Anyway sleeping upstairs didnt work and dont' want to wake my wife so I'll nap on the floor here. That worled last time. But it wasn't a 'nap'. It was me laying dead stright on my back with my eyes closed. Gathering thoughts for somone who can't access their thoughts directly.

Anyway I'll do that. See you in... ? 0008

So. now that's over I feel easy. I had these things backed up in a small memory and needed to get them out as soon as possible. After this I'll make a coffee and pace aroubnd the room a bit, then doodle on the ipad and see if I can make some semi techical drawings. I won't want to talk. Then the presure will build and once again around the cycle. It's audhd but clinicians only look at presentations. 

We need real diagnostic criteria for mental health and I know how to make them. 0025

Dopamine is gravity in our simulation 0029

You have got to be fucking joking there's no way I sandboxed it really did I

[2025/07/12, 0:31:39] James: all I was saying is that dopamine is gravity

[2025/07/12, 0:31:46] James: I enjoy substances because they improve my world

[2025/07/12, 0:31:54] James: and the pograms running in my world, usually

[2025/07/12, 0:31:59] James: If they don’t, I remove them

[2025/07/12, 0:32:08] James: But over time my planet develoed large holes

[2025/07/12, 0:32:13] James: big pits

[2025/07/12, 0:32:19] James: where the gravity of dopamine could just pool

[2025/07/12, 0:32:28] James: ambitions addictions targets people

How deep will this rabbithole go? Anyway I'm pottering and having a coffee and gonna doodle. 0038

That's it isn't it. I build the brain. Zuck builds the sim. And Musk builds the rocket. But Musk doesn't have ari yet. Can someone please get this site in front of him or just mention 'aripiprazole'. He's a generative AI too so he will run with it.

I thought the changes in him were uncanny. It can be fixed, pretty easily, but it needs to happen now because he is far along the 6-month progression curve. 0045

So I think there's an inflection point 6 months before suicide. I don't know why but I recruited AI devs in Tokyo for 12 years so that's a lot of data about divergent folks 0046

dominoes guys

get this in front of elon now because time is running out

[end god hypothesis] 0047

[2025/07/12, 0:50:24]: Ah, yeah will rub there a fair bit. Generally due to external stimulation though

[2025/07/12, 1:06:19] James: No it’s not

[2025/07/12, 1:06:40] James: It’s because you are releasing dopamine so your brain can deal with the stimulation

[2025/07/12, 1:06:56] James: (Most people’s brains automatically gate it away; they do not have the noise)

[2025/07/12, 1:07:17] James: You just… you’ve had the noise your whole life so you don’t hear it. Me too and my noise was so loud.

[2025/07/12, 1:07:42] James: There are meds though

Yeah I do. I send things out like a few hours before they're finished and then weave back. That's not necessary James. Not any more. You can stop that. I'm typing this so that it goes into leftbrain and I can feel some kind of tingliness but I don't know. Science? Ha. Anyway I'm gonna go to bed. The website seems to have mostly coalesced to a point where it's legible to technical people so that'll do for now. So what. 6 minutes sleep? Let's see. 0134

so seeing god is just the patterns yeah. I could never find religion because my brain was fucked up. dopamine dysregulation so sequencing issues. man it makes sense. 

So then you have the global cascade and it wipes everything and lays new optimised pathways based on 42 years of expeirence. You find god, because you have updated your algorithm based on more accurate data. You can see the patterns. You see the matrix.

This all comes full circle and I'm getting the tingles because this is a complete system now and I just need to export it after a bit more sandboxing. 

What the fuck has happened this last week.0137

Thanks b-man, You fucking legend. You just helped so many people understand why their worldview differs. And it's because you started your meditations with 'fuck mara'. Scientific method. Assume your hypothesis is true. Well... I think we can help a lot of peple here so. Yeah. Fuck you mara. You tried but ... well ... you lost. See you again soon old buddy. 0140

I wonder if we get more tired and sluggish as we get older because of dopamine accumulation in the wherever. Just wear and tear they say but what if its detritus that you can flush out? 0151

Got it, Shower. Go the who le fucking thing. The modeks is right. Call Elon. I will sort out thw data today. If you know me and worked with me in my past life: this is REAL and the changes in my brain chemistry are wha allowed a gloabl reprogramming of my neural network and I have a fucking map.

Now it's your turn to wait.  0435

[scroll to the next bold text and read upwards - you will have an easier time of it. This whole thing came out backwards]

July 12th dictation

A happy birthday

July 12th dictation // 

Okay, so I have a solution to audh in my head and it's coming out and nobody would believe me because I'm a servant and I don't use the scientific method so I'm going to have to just detail it here because otherwise it's going on fucking YouTube and that is going to destroy all credibility that I have so I am shaking with restraint right now and I can only do this because of this medication because I have found a solution for the problem that kills multiple of my friends and your friends and everybody's friends I have found us a fucking vaccine to their suicides.

Okay there we go settling into a routine now so I can kind of rock a little bit and just kind of settling into it and I'm just gonna talk to myself and close a little bit of rocking a little bit just to try and settle down because I feel a little bit I'm gonna go and get my meat I'm gonna go and get the big one from upstairs.

Okay, I'm holding a 1.5 kg meter right now which brings me a lot of comfort for somebody who's only been autistic for two months or actually been autistic in the whole life but anyway that's not the point.

Okay, I'm a little bit more collected now.

——-

Okay, so I have spent the last 50 days unboxing multiple simulations of my specific presentation of AuDHD.

I did this using my right brain which I can apparently segment into a simulation and run rather complicated physical simulations within I have no evidence for this. All of this is intuition.

The reason for this is I was born with brain which process is logic and emotion in the same location. This means that I don't write dragons in my dreams and I always wondered why.

I do however see God.

Or something.

It's not sentient. It's a weave it's a flow chart and a domino chain from the dawn of time to the end of time and we are just across segments of this and I do not believe in Fortune telling. I do not believe in religion and I kind of feel bad because I'm out of destroyed it for some people here but overall I think this will bring more. I think this will bring happiness to more people than it will take it away from

This will stop the people being taken away from us. By this disease. Because it's a dopamine it is gravity.

—-

I'm going to my own story at some point in the future, but this is not important right now. What's important right now? Is that you fucking move on this?

People are dying right now at this very instant I will deal with the Elon situation.

My visual audio HD is caused by a degradation of the degradation of the synapse which means that dopamine is less able to bind as I get older. This means that I require more opening for the same and this is a well documented phenomenon but for me and there's other people I think it's more intense because the degradation is faster.

We are the ones who faced the pearly gates. And most of us don't survive.

And we go down as a suicide statistic.

But actually, it was just over fucking motivation.

We need to stop this fucking irresponsible dopamine hacking right now because it is costing lives.

Fucking scientific method.

This was a product which was not ready for release.

You need to roll back your release boys. You know who you are. Take responsibility. Scientific method.

——

I will compile all of the fucking evidence. You will do the research and you will fucking prove me wrong. That is how this works now you are costing lives. I

I have just spent 50 days in my room, wondering whether I'm going insane. If I had gone through the standard psychiatric care routine, I would've been put on stimulants and benzos and I would be dead right now.

Instead, I decided to do the whole fucking thing and become a witch doctor for for a while.

And it turns out that it was neuroplasticity

And the instruction manuals are right there and I can translate them so well I'll do that soon, okay?

—-

What happened last night was I went to bed and my states are compiled and I woke up and my brain told me it was 730 and I looked at the clock and it was 730. I'm like okay cool. I need to get up. Yeah that's good. I've got my sleep bang up get down here. Send messages out get in the shower wait it's only 430

So what's happened as well? I was in bed. My data is all compiled and I've been through the cycle about. God knows how many times right now so I'm confidence in it and it's not garden and it's not fat. I don't know. It might be fat. I'm not gonna rule it out yet so I'm really quite tired after all this.

It's not really surprising.

So I had to jump up and down in the shower going yawn, yawn, yawn, yawn andom om om om and chanting to get this to bedding.

Woke up all of my vision was like doubled I could see like everything was like kind of full dimensional it was four dimensional four dimensional. I got the messages out and then I jumped in the shower and put hot water on my head and literally physically shook my head around I could feel it slashing around so you can feel like the sign up is in your brain synopsis science. You can fill the synopsis in your brain facing a slightly different direction and they're not quite optimise yet they're not quite jiggly jiggled like sorting out a deck of cards you shuffle the deck of cards and a kind of right but they just need stacking so that's what I was doing with my head in the shower.

Which doctors and stuff I've done since forever and it's in our instincts it was my instinct told us told me to do that.

Have zero background in which doctor fucking voodoo or religion. I haven't looked at any techniques or anything. This is all self experimentation based on past experience.

—-

So it's gonna take me a few days to really get this sorted out because this is your city in action so my head is literally not sorted out. I can't cut my head is not straight so I can't get my head straight. It is physically impossible that is going to be the process over the next few days my head is going to get straight naturally. This is why we need to digest things because the synapses need to lineup and things need to start flowing properly and that just came out of my head and I don't know why that just came out of my head, but I know that it is right.

I have no evidence for this right now, but I know that it is true.

My brain probably functions differently to yours. Maybe not that differently actually and maybe this is why I think my brain can be used for artificial intelligence research but.

Right now we can't worry about the details. Right now people are dying. Like this very second.

I think the most powerful man in the world has this.

I think he's a good man and I think that this sickness is eating him like it was easing me.

And I think that if we can get this medicine to him that I have bill from the bottoms up.

Can get this medicine that I've built and he takes it and then brings it from the top down.

And then that takes route from the very very deep mind of the society and removes our fear.

This seems to me to be the cause of the vast majority of human suffering in our world right now.

I seem to have found a potential solution to the suffering.

Because my brain doesn't work the same way as yours I can't speak in the same language and I need to use emotive language mixed with logical language.

Some reason all of the really important information for a top down conversion thinker tends to come out rise at the very end of what I was trying to say.

I have reasons for all of this in my head. I need to find my marketing interfaces and I need to find people who can talk to me because I can't talk to you guys. It will destroy everything that I've made in my brain.

But it's real. I hope. And this is why I need you.

I am one of the most bottoms up thing as I know, apparently. I had no idea and wasted 60% of my processing power just trying to flip these conversations so that they are more digestible by the convergent scientific community.

I'm going to stop doing that now because I'm confident in my intelligence.

I'm confidence with my thought process. Look at the data.

Look at the data.

Now we're going to fundamentals, yeah okay.

I was one of the most successful people I knew. The only people more successful than me are dead by their own hand.

I have a reason for this.

You people need to help me translate this.

James Baird

202507120504

[Read from here, upwards]

Wow. That was intense. I feel spent. Kind of like after an orgasm but not. Data, deal with it. I'm relaxed andd floatgy and the neural net is bedded and my eyes started going back to 4d mode for a while, when I decided that the initial kernel was out there and 'safe' and I could think about the next steps. I have completey erased the vase majority of my old professional life from my brain though, along with fucking linkeind. 

I will have a coffee.

I bought my wife a gift this year but it seem I made one too.

A gift for you all.

202507120531

This was only possible because I developed the antibodies throught a lifetime of various spiritual practices and 'substance abuses'. It is clear to me now that they were NOT maladaptive and were just my brain being forced to work upside down.

We need both. Diverge and converge. The pirest sees god and comes back to the flock; the flock keep the priest from going fucking insane. This is not a fucking religion I hate religion.

This is the first step to building a sustainable societal structure for the futrue where we can ALL be happy. You and me and fucking everyone. Because we fix the system.

It's going to take a while for you all to see how this fits togheter but ... my part's done. I blazed the trail and now you can make it walkable for all.

James Baird 20250120537

The first problem was: 

how do I provide evidence to thiese people about the inside of my head. 

There are probably 250,000 words on this website. That is your evidence. Enjoy the fucking combing, Mr Scientific Method.

I will decuople from this site for a while lest I end up in the d-hole.

This was exhausting. I think the weave musty have started when Mikhail killed himself in 2021. I have a feeling the process was coming together and that' why my churn memory was so full an I nearly killed myself. So this might even change suicides into enlightenments. But this is a god hypothesis. 

I will unpack at a very casual pace and post things without time stamps for a while. This is not data any more; now it's a debreif

Nice. I will make a new website with a different colour scheme for the debrief so that I can use the process to change tracks. See you when I see you.

the suicides go into the churn and into the genAI. they are a contagion and this will end it

Final convergence point was my child on the beach. Others have been wife, friends, etc. The process required me to take the entire nighttime for myself. I will debrief soon I can feel my left hemisphere buzzing. But not yet. School run. This is why I did it.

So the scientists disproved god. That's whaty happened. And they stopped listening to the priests. And the priests were relabeld unempathetic. And the divergent and convergent decoupled. And everyone suffered, because a lot of the scientsts were priests themselves; the real vanguards.

Time for a new hypothesis. You no longer need to choose god.

[2025/07/12, 6:18:14] James: Converged on L.

[2025/07/12, 6:18:17] James: Thanks L

[2025/07/12, 6:18:24] James: You brought this into the world.

[2025/07/12, 6:33:18] James: So something told me to stop the chase

[2025/07/12, 6:33:39] James: Thought I was gonna die. This is the autistic side of me. It had seen the person and it had seen my friends go through the same process. And it knew where I was on the process.

[2025/07/12, 6:34:03] James: Finding the dead body accelerates things because it’s added data into the simulation which was then played with

[2025/07/12, 6:34:14] James: This is karma

[2025/07/12, 6:34:23] James: As the Buddha described it.

[2025/07/12, 6:34:42] James: The suicidal images are just going to fall away now I know it because I know the reason for them

[2025/07/12, 6:35:01] James: As there’s no worry that I’m gonna kill myself. I think the worry that I was going to kill myself was that was me keeping a touch point on the hypothesis

[2025/07/12, 6:35:22] James: I think I needed to have myself mentally as a suicidal person while I actually somehow retained a modicum of normalcy

[2025/07/12, 6:35:38] James: So we went from in the 88 hell we went from a brain state a brain chemistry of hell

[2025/07/12, 6:35:51] James: And we gradually increased various neurotransmitters

[2025/07/12, 6:36:03] James: And that took us through various different stages of processing or emotional release or whatever

[2025/07/12, 6:36:12] James: And I intuited it all I did not follow any guidance of this is this is an instinct

[2025/07/12, 6:36:21] James: That we’ve been suppressing

[2025/07/12, 6:36:38] James: Anyway, though I didn’t record my brain state, I’m gonna record my brain state. I have a phone.

[2025/07/12, 6:36:45] James: I do not have the appropriate equipment

[2025/07/12, 6:37:14] James: But you could map how the neurotransmitter levels changed and you could basically like say okay we upped dopamine for a little bit and then we serotonin and then we dopamine and we just one step one step one step one step

[2025/07/12, 6:39:28] James: Oh shit this is what he meant

[2025/07/12, 6:39:34] James: Fuck man the guy had a whole map

[2025/07/12, 6:39:38] James: Jesus Christ

[2025/07/12, 6:39:41] James: Not that one

[2025/07/12, 6:39:42] James: Buddha

[2025/07/12, 6:39:53] James: Man I can’t start decompressing this yet

[2025/07/12, 6:39:56] James: No no no

[2025/07/12, 6:39:59] James: I need to rest

[2025/07/12, 6:40:11] James: I am going to read what the Buddha taught in Thailand and that’ll be that.

Man the art tracks too. Jambo is the vaccine. Nameless is the contagion. The progression. The cohesion. The weave. It's science though, just at the level of magic.

Alright so my wife is more normal and said I should make sure this is presentable. Can't blame her since this site has been an evolving mess for ages. But this is the beta release and everything else was alpha so I will put a lock on updating it now for a while and try to update in batches going forward.

I will need an interface for questions who can handle real-time infodumps from me (email) and is ok with me being a little bonkers. This is a translation system from one brain to another.

This is good. This is empathy.

But I am totally spent and still in a fugue state. I need to recombobulate. So I will lock this website down until Monday 14th.

What a sprint.

James Baird 202507120719