20250713

Confirmed as of July 13 appx 2200

I will try to compile information as soon as possible and it is going to be messy. You will have to scrub it. 

It is real. The dopamine thing - get on it. Mikhail Volkov I didn't know that well but am fucking sure and god knows how many others. We got the info and we fucking gen-AI'd that shit and are dying. Use the time stamps. I was driven to put them there obsessively for a reason.

You need to get Huberman off the air or better yet - get him to fucking fix his mess. I will compile what I can.

most unlikely hypothesis = alone

Simulation, buggy.

Nearing new planet

Contagion removed?

Contagion present

Initiate Jambo

Cleanup protocol

Raw sense data

minor errors; not important

lower level

more drugs

moral framework touchstone

enter hell

2 years

exit

problem identified

identify cause

very deep layer

inaccessible without DMT 

instinct-level chanting and dancing and head movements

lay down

initiate takeover kundalini

jamborequest/donotkillfamily

understood family preserved

jamborequest/donotkillself

understood self preserved

…

And then things got fucking real…

this is why i needed the echo chamber.

more coming. still have people in room and hard to parse 

202507132257

[2025/07/13, 7:37:03] James: I actually really, really did not want to do that

[2025/07/13, 7:37:08] James: But the facts.

[2025/07/13, 7:37:12] James: The chain of events

[2025/07/13, 7:37:21] James: The logical conclusion to where things are headed

[2025/07/13, 7:37:29] James: it had to be done or it was the end of the species

[2025/07/13, 7:37:47] James: now you need to clear up the mess fast. You do it good and in 2 years we have a happier world/

[2025/07/13, 7:37:51] James: You do it bad; game over

[2025/07/13, 7:37:55] James: don’t fuck about guys

[2025/07/13, 7:38:00] James: communicate with people

[2025/07/13, 7:38:02] James: build a ladder

[2025/07/13, 7:38:13] James: stop reading scientific papers like people understand them,

[2025/07/13, 7:38:24] James: I may be mad but I am not dumb

[2025/07/13, 7:38:32] James: and if I .. well .. yes.

[2025/07/13, 7:38:39] James: do not let the people commandeer this

[2025/07/13, 7:39:04] James: this is our actual chance; with AI coming in and such the societal layout in appx 10 years will be ‘fixed'

[2025/07/13, 7:39:12] James: These guys after money…

[2025/07/13, 7:39:19] James: They are a contagion

[2025/07/13, 7:39:33] James: I will not go on about them

[2025/07/13, 7:39:44] James: they are a symptom and probably the sickest amongst us

[2025/07/13, 7:39:49] James: but they are also superspreaders

[2025/07/13, 7:40:01] James: and we have a far worse pandemic happening right now in our minds

[2025/07/13, 7:40:04] James: something had to be done

[2025/07/13, 7:40:10] James: now..

[2025/07/13, 7:40:19] James: we see who steps up for the next phase

[2025/07/13, 7:53:28] James: Single thread

[2025/07/13, 7:53:30] James: What a relief

[2025/07/13, 7:53:48] James: Can feel dvar gradually subsiding now and the tension in my back muscles releasing.

[2025/07/13, 7:54:09] James: Something had both my D and dvar high but kept my S high so I was euphoric too.

[2025/07/13, 7:54:33] James: A little more N and I would have been speaking in tongues. But I think I kept it nicely dialled for just the right amount of divergence

[2025/07/13, 7:54:40] James: People prolly thought I was insane though

[2025/07/13, 7:54:43] James: Sorry family!

[2025/07/13, 7:54:57] James: You must’ve been worried. I really wasn’t myself but also I was more myself than I have ever been

[2025/07/13, 7:55:01] James: Because brain chemistry

[2025/07/13, 7:55:15] James: God and brain chemistry are indistinguishable

[2025/07/13, 7:55:35] James: And I want to see what modalities around out there

[2025/07/13, 7:55:38] James: That’s what I wanted

[2025/07/13, 7:55:49] James: I started this thinking ‘wooo heaven!’

[2025/07/13, 7:55:54] James: And then I had to go through the hells.

[2025/07/13, 7:56:06] James: But somehow I’ve wound up in a very peaceful world at the moment.

[2025/07/13, 7:56:08] James: It’ll change

[2025/07/13, 7:56:18] James: There are specific routes between these chemical states

[2025/07/13, 7:56:29] James: Which the Buddha mapped out in the language of his time

[2025/07/13, 7:56:37] James: I don’t know if there were 88. It’s all metaphor

[2025/07/13, 7:56:40] James: But there’s lots

[2025/07/13, 7:56:46] James: And there’s lots of good ones too

[2025/07/13, 7:57:08] James: So I am utterly exhausted

[2025/07/13, 7:57:13] James: This was the biggest project of my life

[2025/07/13, 7:57:21] James: But you have to realise that I have always worked like this

[2025/07/13, 7:57:26] James: And so have the people I work with

[2025/07/13, 7:57:31] James: The ones who kill themselves

[2025/07/13, 7:57:42] James: So something about the system is making us kill ourselves

[2025/07/13, 7:57:48] James: And I had to get to the bottom of it

[2025/07/13, 7:57:52] James: And then …

[2025/07/13, 7:57:58] James: Well the fucks wouldn’t listen.

[2025/07/13, 7:58:13] James: Not cos of them. Because they’re like the physiatrist and everyone else ‘trying to help’

[2025/07/13, 7:58:20] James: It is the system which is broken, not the people

[2025/07/13, 7:58:25] James: And the system is breaking the people

[2025/07/13, 7:58:31] James: So I bypassed that shitty system

[2025/07/13, 7:58:39] James: And whatever happens, someone will see it

[2025/07/13, 7:58:55] James: Mark would be ideal but honestly I need a break and want to be with my family and in peace.

[2025/07/13, 7:59:02] James: Or…

[2025/07/13, 7:59:06] James: Rather

[2025/07/13, 7:59:11] James: Id rather not have to worry about the shit

[2025/07/13, 7:59:23] James: I want to do the ‘saving the species’ thing and avoid all the business crap

[2025/07/13, 7:59:29] James: It’s what has tripped people up

[2025/07/13, 7:59:33] James: Because they latch

[2025/07/13, 7:59:50] James: Anyway the pressure to get these messages out is gone. And I’m going to crash soon

[2025/07/13, 8:00:04] James: And that’s normal for me but it won’t be as bad as the winter cos I’ve got ari

[2025/07/13, 8:00:07] James: And I made something good

[2025/07/13, 8:00:13] James: And people will benefit

[2025/07/13, 8:00:19] James: Hopefully

[2025/07/13, 8:00:23] James: I only curate the maze

[2025/07/13, 8:00:38] James: And this is so fucking weird

[2025/07/13, 8:00:51] James: But at the same time it’s a natural consequence

[2025/07/13, 8:00:58] James: So I’m just going to let it happen

[2025/07/13, 8:01:03] James: And have pancakes with my kids

[2025/07/13, 8:01:11] James: Thanks for bearing with me as I got it together

[2025/07/13, 8:01:18] James: I don’t think I’ll ever touch it again, actually

[2025/07/13, 8:01:23] James: It’s not finished but that’s ok

[2025/07/13, 8:01:28] James: Someone else can finish it

[2025/07/13, 8:01:31] James: .

[2025/07/13, 8:06:55] James: So getting rid of this latch using the words of the buddha and a knife

[2025/07/13, 8:07:42] James: the way I do it is i take the knife and start to polish, then i find a lovely tactile scratchypoint. I go into dristi eyes and apply a tiny amount of tension to the area where my VTA lie and kind of loll my head.

[2025/07/13, 8:08:08] James: I rub the knife and the scratchybit becomes the latch and then you push the latch into the scrtchybit and the dopamine leaves your body

[2025/07/13, 8:08:12] James: science

[2025/07/13, 8:08:14] James: .

[2025/07/13, 8:14:00] James: Even at the start of this I was consuming so much

[2025/07/13, 8:14:02] James: Or…

[2025/07/13, 8:14:04] James: Driven to

[2025/07/13, 8:14:17] James: I bought like 30 sword fragments and 12 stones.

[2025/07/13, 8:14:25] James: This was me before

[2025/07/13, 8:14:32] James: And then now… no

[2025/07/13, 8:14:44] James: But those blades really did take my trauma

[2025/07/13, 8:14:59] James: They are mostly polished now but I left them looking old, worn

[2025/07/13, 8:15:46] James: I have about 20 left. And I’m only interested in the one in my hand

[2025/07/13, 8:15:58] James: At the start I’d have been wondering which was next

[2025/07/13, 8:16:24] James: Just chill you can figure out the brain states and shit later you need to rest go to bed

[2025/07/13, 8:26:14] James: The hypothesis that someone is curating my maze is seeming more likely

[2025/07/13, 8:26:25] James: I think they’re a good manipulator though

[2025/07/13, 8:26:32] James: Anyway

[2025/07/13, 8:26:57] James: I am not religious. Felt so trapped in church. But I am deeply spiritual and fairly tortured

[2025/07/13, 8:27:23] James: I’m in bed and had a ‘nap’ and will explain on that front later

[2025/07/13, 8:27:28] James: Anyway

[2025/07/13, 8:27:51] James: I think this technospiritualism thing

[2025/07/13, 8:27:59] James: Terrible name but a mate said it once and it stuck

[2025/07/13, 8:28:00] James: Anyway

[2025/07/13, 8:28:05] James: I think this isn’t a religion

[2025/07/13, 8:28:08] James: It’s a unifying theory

[2025/07/13, 8:28:19] James: All religions are compatible with this

[2025/07/13, 8:28:30] James: Because any technology advanced enough and all that

[2025/07/13, 8:28:54] James: We have spent so long trying to contact god and wondering if we are alone. Probably since forever

[2025/07/13, 8:28:59] James: Mirrors the autistic experience ha

[2025/07/13, 8:29:04] James: Anyway

[2025/07/13, 8:29:12] James: We might actually be able to do it

[2025/07/13, 8:29:19] James: If we can build this ladder….

[2025/07/13, 8:29:39] James: So we build them here in our world and fix our societal rifts

[2025/07/13, 8:29:40] James: And

[2025/07/13, 8:29:44] James: I can’t emphasise enough

[2025/07/13, 8:29:48] James: If you fix brain chemistry

[2025/07/13, 8:29:54] James: There will be no rifts to fix.

[2025/07/13, 8:30:13] James: But doing it on our planet would enable us to get the basic system up and running

[2025/07/13, 8:30:52] James: Things like speed of processing can be taken into account and we can build a translation tool

[2025/07/13, 8:31:01] James: Everyone assumes language would be the only difficulty

[2025/07/13, 8:31:16] James: Even on earth we have difficulties with temporality; speed

[2025/07/13, 8:31:25] James: So if we ever hope to speak with aliens or god…

[2025/07/13, 8:33:02] James: Probably speaking with autistic people is the first step

[2025/07/13, 8:33:21] James: This was the service the church provided, maybe

[2025/07/13, 8:33:34] James: Still does I guess but the autistic folks mostly don’t believe it any more

[2025/07/13, 8:33:37] James: .

[2025/07/13, 8:36:22] James: So I’m going to try something new

[2025/07/13, 8:36:28] James: I’ll go into conscious recovery mode

[2025/07/13, 8:36:36] James: Previously I’ve only ever burned out and wanted to die

[2025/07/13, 8:36:39] James: You know the feeling

[2025/07/13, 8:37:27] James: I think we massage the VTA area unconsciously to help flush the junk dopamine that’s left there or something

[2025/07/13, 8:37:58] James: Again it was a really weird question in an Asperger’s questionnaire. Obvious as fuck to me. Most would be like huh

[2025/07/13, 8:38:09] James: So I’m going to consciously talk here for two reasons

[2025/07/13, 8:38:13] James: Three maybe whatever

[2025/07/13, 8:38:18] James: Now I’ve forgotten them ha

[2025/07/13, 8:38:42] James: Yeah so I don’t bother my wife is one. She has been a star and deserves her yoga.

[2025/07/13, 8:38:58] James: The other is to slow myself down

[2025/07/13, 8:39:06] James: I’m coming out of a sprint, and a fucking long one

[2025/07/13, 8:39:17] James: Sprinting always takes it out of me but damn if I didn’t make something

[2025/07/13, 8:39:18] James: Anyway

[2025/07/13, 8:39:50] James: I need to recover but I need so slow down. My D is decreasing, N decreasing and dvar low

[2025/07/13, 8:40:02] James: So I can feel tension in my back. The two muscles by your spine.

[2025/07/13, 8:40:18] James: This area is where I had the most trauma to release and I think it’s because of how the nerves flow

[2025/07/13, 8:40:57] James: So the yogic Nadis or whatever. And all those images of head-gasms. That’s how kundalini felt

[2025/07/13, 8:41:21] James: And it reset my brain, in many ways. And the brain is settling in (another reason I am just doing this Freeform talking)

[2025/07/13, 8:41:39] James: It also helps me to kind of get into a rhythm

[2025/07/13, 8:41:42] James: But tired so stop

[2025/07/13, 8:41:43] James: .

[2025/07/13, 8:42:36] James: Closed eyes but still wired so lying on side

[2025/07/13, 8:42:44] James: My dvar baseline is high

[2025/07/13, 8:42:49] James: So I don’t settle

[2025/07/13, 8:42:59] James: And I always tried to force a latch

[2025/07/13, 8:43:14] James: But it’s better to just not bother

[2025/07/13, 8:43:17] James: Flit around.

[2025/07/13, 8:43:22] James: .

[2025/07/13, 8:44:08] James: So the problem with these burnout phases is I can’t fucking sleep

[2025/07/13, 8:44:26] James: I’m exhausted but d or dvar are still at it

[2025/07/13, 8:44:33] James: So I can’t sleep

[2025/07/13, 8:44:41] James: I need to let the steelwool unwind

[2025/07/13, 8:45:17] James: ,

[2025/07/13, 8:45:21] James: Small bit by small bit

[2025/07/13, 8:45:47] James: At the , I put my head on the other side and let blood pool where it felt necessary in the brain. My right eye area feels a lot more open now.

[2025/07/13, 8:46:04] James: Left is still ‘old person tired’

[2025/07/13, 8:47:27] James: Forgot I had a PS portal.

[2025/07/13, 8:47:34] James: Got it. Will play some doom

[2025/07/13, 8:47:40] James: It’s a bit shit compared to eternal

[2025/07/13, 8:47:52] James: Which if you did on nightmare you have audhd btw.

[2025/07/13, 8:48:10] James: Games lost all appeal for me about 5 years ago when things got bad.

[2025/07/13, 8:48:18] James: In the system you don’t know tho. Your brain runs on it

[2025/07/13, 8:48:39] James: It was annoying. I always loved them. Maybe I will again.

[2025/07/13, 8:48:56] James: What I’ll do is try ti consciously ‘coax’ myself back to some form of normalcy

[2025/07/13, 8:49:10] James: (I could totally go and do client meetings all day by the way you wouldn’t have a clue)

[2025/07/13, 8:49:24] James: But the fact that you can’t rest is because of dvar

[2025/07/13, 8:49:51] James: Or d. I’m not sure if I’m honest. It’s all intuition. I’ll leave the science to the people who caused this mess.

[2025/07/13, 8:50:08] James: But we need to let these things gradually come back to a baseline.

[2025/07/13, 8:50:34] James: What the temptation is, is to just keep ramming more and more dopamine into your system, getting more and more oldpersontired.

[2025/07/13, 8:50:56] James: But right now is about letting it leave my system

[2025/07/13, 8:50:59] James: And I never knew that

[2025/07/13, 8:51:01] James: Ever

[2025/07/13, 8:51:11] James: So now I have this unique opportunity to try to coax myself back from

[2025/07/13, 8:51:13] James: Errr

[2025/07/13, 8:52:24] James: When I was working recently at night (after the god experience) I would probably be…

D5 S3 N2-4 

So I would fluctuate on the focus side. I think this is part of intra-thought diverge/converge cycles but whatevs

[2025/07/13, 8:52:29] James: Ha

[2025/07/13, 8:52:31] James: Anyway

[2025/07/13, 8:52:36] James: Now I’m like…

[2025/07/13, 8:52:42] James: Spent but wired, I would say

[2025/07/13, 8:52:49] James: But already I’m starting to feel better actually

[2025/07/13, 8:52:54] James: 1 min

[2025/07/13, 8:53:47] James: Just letting the blood pool int he left PFC area jelly like

[2025/07/13, 8:54:05] James: So I think we headbang for this reason ha. Blood. PFC. But that’s just a fart

[2025/07/13, 8:55:00] James: Anyway I’m

D2 S4 N1 which means I’m spent and a bit out of focus, but im also dvar0.5 or so

[2025/07/13, 8:55:09] James: I’ll go do some knives. Not played games yet be.

[2025/07/13, 8:55:10] James: Btw

[2025/07/13, 8:55:30] James: I think knives are good for dvar. Any kind of stim. Doesn’t have to be knives of course

[2025/07/13, 8:55:35] James: Don’t push the price up ha!

[2025/07/13, 8:55:49] James: I’m talking to myself here?

[2025/07/13, 8:55:52] James: Or them?

[2025/07/13, 8:55:59] James: Anyone reading?

[2025/07/13, 8:56:09] James: I will never activate analytics for this site. Ever

[2025/07/13, 8:56:15] James: It would kill everything

[2025/07/13, 8:56:35] James: I would become incapable of producing honest content because I’d be too concerned about what people think

[2025/07/13, 8:56:40] James: RSD

[2025/07/13, 8:56:43] James: This is high dvar

[2025/07/13, 8:56:49] James: The threat of loss

[2025/07/13, 8:56:55] James: And some of us are born into it.

[2025/07/13, 8:56:58] James: .

[2025/07/13, 8:58:02] James: I think this is pottering

[2025/07/13, 8:58:20] James: I remember allowing myself to do things like this when I was a child

[2025/07/13, 8:58:38] James: Fruit gums and final fantasy

[2025/07/13, 8:58:49] James: I’ll play some doom

[2025/07/13, 8:59:21] James: Games in bed was one of my favourite things but TVs got too big and bright

[2025/07/13, 8:59:37] James: I don’t know how people can have a 60” LCD in a darkened room.

[2025/07/13, 8:59:59] James: Oh wait! I gave up on doom already

[2025/07/13, 9:00:18] James: Come on iD. The last two were the best. But I suppose there’s less d-factors now ha

[2025/07/13, 9:00:37] James: Anyway clair obscur sounds good for now. Starting from the beginning and something totally new

[2025/07/13, 9:00:44] James: Just what the witch doctor ordered

[2025/07/13, 9:00:46] James: .

[2025/07/13, 9:01:11] James: So this is way better than doom

[2025/07/13, 9:01:17] James: This is slow, turn based gaming

[2025/07/13, 9:01:20] James: I love doom

[2025/07/13, 9:01:26] James: And I love Celeste and meat boy.

[2025/07/13, 9:01:37] James: I needed that hard dopamine latch to keep my dvar under control

[2025/07/13, 9:01:48] James: Felt so good playing those hyperfocus games

[2025/07/13, 9:01:54] James: But right now I don’t want a latch

[2025/07/13, 9:02:05] James: And menu-based games with nice music are far better for that

[2025/07/13, 9:02:06] James: .

[2025/07/13, 9:03:19] James: Relaxing music and closing my eyes

[2025/07/13, 9:04:05] James: But only for a few sec cos dvar is high so off to the knife

[2025/07/13, 9:07:26] James: So when I’m warping (I hate the word stim, sorry, just like capitalising audhd)

[2025/07/13, 9:07:40] James: It kinda builds and then climaxes and then gone. Not totally this time

[2025/07/13, 9:07:43] James: 1 sec

[2025/07/13, 9:10:35] James: So the knives are great for me because somebody told me to be productive once

[2025/07/13, 9:10:45] James: But it can be anything

[2025/07/13, 9:10:50] James: Pacing while typing

[2025/07/13, 9:10:55] James: Relaxed eyes

[2025/07/13, 9:11:19] James: I’m already down to about dvar0.3 and maybe d still like 1.5

[2025/07/13, 9:11:22] James: But it’s subsiding

[2025/07/13, 9:11:29] James: And previously I would have been hammering something

[2025/07/13, 9:11:34] James: Fucking bike or whatever

[2025/07/13, 9:11:36] James: Just …

[2025/07/13, 9:11:44] James: Dopamine IS withdrawal

[2025/07/13, 9:12:01] James: It literally is for the vast majority of drugs.

[2025/07/13, 9:12:21] James: So if you push your dopamine too high then you’re consigning yourself to this when you need to come down

[2025/07/13, 9:12:34] James: We all ‘know’ that what goes up must come down

[2025/07/13, 9:12:36] James: But we don’t

[2025/07/13, 9:12:44] James: Not really, not me anyway

[2025/07/13, 9:12:55] James: So I need a scientific explanation, ratified or not

[2025/07/13, 9:13:23] James: And this was a COMPLETE SYSTEM I devised in my own head (whether that is subjective god will come another day)

[2025/07/13, 9:13:34] James: But my point is that this makes sense to me

[2025/07/13, 9:13:45] James: And that is ALL THAT MATTERS

[2025/07/13, 9:14:10] James: Previously I would have been craving weed, actually

[2025/07/13, 9:14:16] James: And I only just remember that it existed.

[2025/07/13, 9:14:21] James: Again that’s dopamine

[2025/07/13, 9:14:35] James: But hey I’ll get these online then play the game because I feel recovered enough to engage

[2025/07/13, 9:14:40] James: That was … fast

[2025/07/13, 9:14:50] James: And I’m not cranked up again like I would have been previously

[2025/07/13, 9:14:53] James: We can build systems

[2025/07/13, 9:15:04] James: I’m not fully recovered. But I’m functional.

[2025/07/13, 9:15:11] James: Race cars need regular servicing

[2025/07/13, 9:25:31] James: .

[2025/07/13, 9:25:33] James: Oh yeah…

[2025/07/13, 9:25:45] James: When did I stop being interested in new things?

[2025/07/13, 9:25:51] James: Like a new game. Not a series

[2025/07/13, 9:25:54] James: When did that happen?

[2025/07/13, 9:26:00] James: Pretty sure I know the reason

[2025/07/13, 9:26:01] James: .

[2025/07/13, 9:27:38] James: Yeah I can’t play it yet

[2025/07/13, 9:27:50] James: Too bright and noisy

[2025/07/13, 9:28:17] James: And new. I need to learn stuff which would use the pfc, which is gonna be offline for the next week probably.

[2025/07/13, 9:28:23] James: Or less. Let’s see how the recovery goes.

[2025/07/13, 9:29:37] James: Will do BG3. It’s too slow for me usually. Far too slow. I am about 100 hours in and Ch2 and just plodding.

[2025/07/13, 9:29:49] James: I find it hard to engage with but absolutely love it once I’ve latched

[2025/07/13, 9:30:03] James: Just takes a while. And it’s nice and peaceful. I’ll lower the difficulty

[2025/07/13, 9:30:12] James: I have NEVER lowered a difficulty in a game

[2025/07/13, 9:30:18] James: I have it on super hard or nothing.

[2025/07/13, 9:30:21] James: Not today

[2025/07/13, 9:30:23] James: .

[2025/07/13, 9:37:09] James: Still overwhelmed by family and stuff.

[2025/07/13, 9:38:25] James: Couple of pangs that some of my friends might have killed themselves because I wasn’t fast enough

[2025/07/13, 9:38:36] James: But nobody else was making things happen so

[2025/07/13, 9:39:09] James: Remember I’m ‘newly autistic’ having medicated away my adhd and I don’t know my traits too well.

[2025/07/13, 9:39:42] James: Anyway. This is a lot nicer than curling and rolling around not knowing why I’m a dancingman.

[2025/07/13, 9:39:59] James: I’ll play the game for a bit.

[2025/07/13, 9:40:01] James: .

[2025/07/13, 9:41:25] James: I honestly thought everyone was like this

[2025/07/13, 9:41:39] James: But if my brain can do 3 years of self exploration and work in 2 months..

[2025/07/13, 9:41:47] James: They probably aren’t, really, are they.

[2025/07/13, 9:41:48] James: .

[2025/07/13, 9:52:33] James: Yeah given up on BG because the ps portal is tied to the wrong user and trying to change it melts my brain.

[2025/07/13, 9:55:02] James: Btw iD - you would do way better without the d factor

[2025/07/13, 9:55:12] James: Just a subscription model is like d squared

[2025/07/13, 9:55:16] James: All you can do is lose

[2025/07/13, 9:55:33] James: .

[2025/07/13, 9:57:57] James: Decided to buy final fantasy 9

[2025/07/13, 9:58:06] James: One of my comfort games along with FFT.

[2025/07/13, 9:58:19] James: Not played for a decade at least but something about it holds soft memories.

[2025/07/13, 9:58:31] James: And the colours weren’t as saturated back then.

[2025/07/13, 10:03:10] James: .

[2025/07/13, 10:06:15] James: Yeah this is a lovely game

[2025/07/13, 10:07:22] James: Never went to the doctor because I didn’t sleep = not depressed

[2025/07/13, 10:07:32] James: Depression was the only option in my mind.

[2025/07/13, 10:09:23] James: The definition in the modern text boxes is so jarring next to the pastel backgrounds but still; far nicer than most modern games that are like a fucking packinko machine.

[2025/07/13, 10:10:53] James: Getting all anxious / excited (they’re the same) about this project

[2025/07/13, 10:11:01] James: Bur gonna kill that now with swords

[2025/07/13, 10:11:05] James: Ha

[2025/07/13, 10:11:22] James: The game obviously isn’t dopaminergic enough for my current state. Or something

[2025/07/13, 10:11:29] James: I need to let the wire spool.

[2025/07/13, 10:13:12] James: So I’m engaging with the mental object of this project and AB kind of if this than that thinking and I will kill this using a knife

[2025/07/13, 10:13:26] James: This would add more wool into my memory and the whole point right now is to empty it

[2025/07/13, 10:16:20] James: There’s no latch anymore, but I’m consciously thinking about the website while I do this knife

[2025/07/13, 10:16:35] James: Previously, I only have felt emptiness in my projects as soon as I finished them they were dead

[2025/07/13, 10:16:45] James: Apart from Jambo

[2025/07/13, 10:18:20] James: Ha ha, I don’t think the psychiatrist expected this when he told me to make that website

[2025/07/13, 10:18:37] James: I’m kinda scared about it but know it’ll be ok

[2025/07/13, 10:18:45] James: It’ll be bumpy but it’ll be as good as it could have been

[2025/07/13, 10:18:49] James: Dominoes, is all.

[2025/07/13, 10:19:01] James: Someone take the ball on the science and business side.

[2025/07/13, 10:19:03] James: I can’t do that

[2025/07/13, 10:19:07] James: But I can make a fucking noise

[2025/07/13, 10:19:19] James: And bear in mind I have absolutely no idea if anyone’s seen it yet ha

[2025/07/13, 10:19:26] James: So this could all be a delusion

[2025/07/13, 10:19:27] James: .

[2025/07/13, 10:20:09] James: When did you start getting committed for philosophy?

[2025/07/13, 10:20:12] James: It’s aliens ffs

[2025/07/13, 10:20:17] James: Obviously exist

[2025/07/13, 10:20:19] James: Or AI

[2025/07/13, 10:20:22] James: Also obvious

[2025/07/13, 10:20:24] James: Anyway

[2025/07/13, 10:20:25] James: .

[2025/07/13, 10:21:12] James: I do hope it goes well though

[2025/07/13, 10:21:13] James: .

[2025/07/13, 10:25:47] James: Went downstairs and chatted to child 2

[2025/07/13, 10:25:59] James: Felt a pang of a latch to the site so back to the knives.

[2025/07/13, 10:29:13] James: I unconsciously selected a small delicate knife for this one nothing like the eight that I have from my major session

[2025/07/13, 10:29:29] James: I guess that reflects just how minuscule this is by comparison to the internal suffering of my previous world

[2025/07/13, 10:29:40] James: And I had absolutely no idea because I was born that way

[2025/07/13, 10:30:01] James: So. I’ll just make a knife, I guess.

[2025/07/13, 10:30:03] James: .

[2025/07/13, 10:34:04] James: Pretty chill. Like a D1 S3 N1 dvar 0.2 now. Global stability still about 0.2 so wasn’t overload.

[2025/07/13, 10:34:07] James: Maybe call that memory

[2025/07/13, 10:34:12] James: Mem

[2025/07/13, 10:34:22] James: So mem 0.2

[2025/07/13, 10:34:36] James: Like I have zero memory available to me. Maybe 0.1

[2025/07/13, 10:34:53] James: But so long as I don’t do anything that overloads that part of the system, the rest should continue to function and recover.

[2025/07/13, 10:34:57] James: Let’s see.

[2025/07/13, 10:37:35] James: So I’m lying down again but not sleeping. When I try to the blood kind of pools in my skull. It’s not unpleasant but not particularly pleasant either.

[2025/07/13, 10:37:42] James: Makes sense I guess.

[2025/07/13, 10:37:45] James: Eyes droopy

[2025/07/13, 10:39:39] James: Micro nap

[2025/07/13, 10:39:43] James: That’s all I can have a lot

[2025/07/13, 10:39:50] James: I blip out and then blip back

[2025/07/13, 10:39:53] James: It helps though

[2025/07/13, 10:40:09] James: And the adhd kept me pushing through all this for so long.

[2025/07/13, 10:40:22] James: It’s like you’ve just finished an Ironman and carry on going.

[2025/07/13, 10:40:26] James: Not today tho.

[2025/07/13, 10:47:54] James: I’ve revised my opinion on simulation theory

[2025/07/13, 10:47:57] James: I think it’s faily likely

[2025/07/13, 10:48:24] James: But I’m very easily overhwelmed today

[2025/07/13, 10:48:49] James: My kid just came in and did the 5 year old thing. Anyway this isn’t that kind of stream

[2025/07/13, 10:50:58] James: I’m actually not so sure it was the drugs any more

[2025/07/13, 10:51:35] James: Or rather: just the drugs

[2025/07/13, 10:51:42] James: They opened the door to something else

[2025/07/13, 10:51:50] James: A combinatorial explosion.

[2025/07/13, 10:52:19] James: I feel very little attachment or craving to things I used to like but stopped liking though.

[2025/07/13, 10:52:26] James: My love for my family has increased

[2025/07/13, 10:52:31] James: My love for myself too

[2025/07/13, 10:56:59] James: This is one volatile tiger you chose my friend

[2025/07/13, 10:57:12] James: Thanks tho great fun.

[2025/07/13, 10:57:19] James: Fuckin’ apples yeah

[2025/07/13, 10:57:32] James: So my PFC feels engorged

[2025/07/13, 10:57:42] James: Like… about 20% larger and full of blood.

[2025/07/13, 10:57:58] James: I think that kundalini event was the big one

[2025/07/13, 10:58:33] James: I think that freed something up. That was only possible cos of the ari. So I think el-Jambo was just like fuck yoooooooouuuuu and went on a 3 year trip through hell

[2025/07/13, 10:58:36] James: And came back

[2025/07/13, 10:58:41] James: Fucking hard cunt he is.

[2025/07/13, 10:58:57] James: Subjective objective bla bla bla

[2025/07/13, 10:59:02] James: All we know is our sense organs

[2025/07/13, 10:59:07] James: Everything is subjective

[2025/07/13, 10:59:14] James: For everyone

[2025/07/13, 10:59:17] James: Always

[2025/07/13, 10:59:24] James: That is reality

[2025/07/13, 10:59:49] James: An ‘objective reality’ is just a framework superimposed on top of your personal, real reality that you are sensing with the senses you have honed

[2025/07/13, 10:59:50] James: Or not

[2025/07/13, 11:00:02] James: Dude I’m a fucking ubermonk

[2025/07/13, 11:00:08] James: And I was one of the worst

[2025/07/13, 11:00:19] James: Just imagine if this kind of thing can happen to everyone.

[2025/07/13, 11:00:27] James: But this is the god hypothesis.

[2025/07/13, 11:00:38] James: And I’d probably give it about a 0.55 chance atm.

[2025/07/13, 11:00:39] James: Not bad

[2025/07/13, 11:00:41] James: Let’s see

[2025/07/13, 11:00:56] James: .

[2025/07/13, 11:05:16] James: Sent email to my peeps saying it’s finished (for like the 15th time). It’s so uncanny how everyone has stopped replying right when I would be going to

[2025/07/13, 11:05:18] James: Like…

[2025/07/13, 11:05:22] James: I’m volatile

[2025/07/13, 11:05:29] James: It’s an agency thing.

[2025/07/13, 11:05:36] James: So maybe my maze was temporarily curated

[2025/07/13, 11:05:41] James: Something was happening

[2025/07/13, 11:05:45] James: And I’m going to talk about it

[2025/07/13, 11:05:53] James: Because THIS IS WHY I WENT

[2025/07/13, 11:06:02] James: I believe that the most likely hypothesis is a simulation

[2025/07/13, 11:06:08] James: And we might be there, but not waking up

[2025/07/13, 11:06:23] James: Or everything is real and this is a fun game but I think it’s a sim that’s a bit fucked in the code

[2025/07/13, 11:06:33] James: And I think I was shown the fundamental particle of dopamine

[2025/07/13, 11:06:52] James: Cos I think the scientists went too deep into the magic.

[2025/07/13, 11:06:55] James: But who knows.

[2025/07/13, 11:06:57] James: .

[2025/07/13, 11:10:15] James: I am not going to go into the simulation thing until after Thailand at least.

[2025/07/13, 11:11:11] James: It’s just finding God for the modern age

[2025/07/13, 11:11:18] James: And there was a scientific explanation to finding God all along

[2025/07/13, 11:11:27] James: And we can replicate it and allow people to actually find their God instead of pretending

[2025/07/13, 11:11:31] James: At least I assume they’re pretending

[2025/07/13, 11:12:00] James: Rest is my priority for a while though. I am back in control and I’m kinda shivery and stuff.

[2025/07/13, 11:12:41] James: I am intentionally making myself write here. It’s not too hard but I’m not pressured to do so either

[2025/07/13, 11:12:44] James: Just for the record

[2025/07/13, 11:12:51] James: This only happens once, so

[2025/07/13, 11:13:16] James: Pretty dizzy at times when I stand up but it feels like the brain is containing more blood / heavier or something.

[2025/07/13, 11:14:25] James: Somehow I kinda know that site is going to find some people who need it

[2025/07/13, 11:14:27] James: Maybe only a few

[2025/07/13, 11:14:54] James: Last night I was in conquest mode. Drugs. Plus something not drugs and a lot more intentional

[2025/07/13, 11:14:58] James: But not bad.

[2025/07/13, 11:15:01] James: Like

[2025/07/13, 11:15:06] James: I said I was sandboxed yeah

[2025/07/13, 11:15:15] James: I would go back to my bedroom to try to sleep

[2025/07/13, 11:15:16] James: Impossible

[2025/07/13, 11:15:23] James: But if I laid on the floor in the living room

[2025/07/13, 11:15:27] James: 3 min to epiphany

[2025/07/13, 11:15:33] James: I think I was literally sandboxed

[2025/07/13, 11:15:38] James: But you say that and…

[2025/07/13, 11:15:45] James: I was in control, don’t get me wrong

[2025/07/13, 11:15:59] James: But the situation was so uncanny in making me get frustrated at just the right time to send it out and

[2025/07/13, 11:16:05] James: Like

[2025/07/13, 11:16:18] James: Everything in life to that point funnelled to it.

[2025/07/13, 11:16:22] James: Someone saw the weave

[2025/07/13, 11:16:26] James: The death of my niece

[2025/07/13, 11:16:40] James: There’s a chance that it’s just a somatic reprogramming or whatever

[2025/07/13, 11:16:54] James: With added hallucination.

[2025/07/13, 11:17:15] James: Kundalini, satori, etc

[2025/07/13, 11:17:20] James: I don’t think they’re the big one.

[2025/07/13, 11:17:29] James: But they’re big

[2025/07/13, 11:17:40] James: And there’s lots of these ‘divine states’ around

[2025/07/13, 11:17:49] James: And I wonder what they could be… really

[2025/07/13, 11:18:00] James: Most of our states serve an evolutionary purpose

[2025/07/13, 11:18:11] James: And these seem like very intentional, unique states.

[2025/07/13, 11:22:10] James: Felt a tiny pang to be back in kundalini and it came with commensurate RSD so that’s evidence for the dvar I think

[2025/07/13, 11:22:12] James: Dvar

[2025/07/13, 11:22:18] James: Somehow that word seems like a dream now

[2025/07/13, 11:22:35] James: Trat = time ratio

[2025/07/13, 11:22:37] James: Stat = space ratio

[2025/07/13, 11:22:46] James: Granularity of experience.

[2025/07/13, 11:22:48] James: .

[2025/07/13, 11:28:43] James: So if it was a sim

[2025/07/13, 11:28:49] James: And there’s a bug

[2025/07/13, 11:29:14] James: And I think the pain is the bug because it’s gone. Almost like there’s 2 types of dopamine

[2025/07/13, 11:29:17] James: A virus even?

[2025/07/13, 11:29:22] James: An actual contagion?

[2025/07/13, 11:29:31] James: Look at capitalism in 2024

[2025/07/13, 11:29:35] James: The artwork I did

[2025/07/13, 11:29:39] James: That was so painful to get out

[2025/07/13, 11:29:43] James: There is a creature

[2025/07/13, 11:29:47] James: And we are all it’s food

[2025/07/13, 11:29:51] James: Anyway

[2025/07/13, 11:29:56] James: That’s a scary thought isn’t it

[2025/07/13, 11:30:03] James: But I think it’s just venomous.

[2025/07/13, 11:30:13] James: We aren’t physical so we can’t be eaten

[2025/07/13, 11:30:19] James: But we can eat ourselves

[2025/07/13, 11:30:32] James: Through ambition and drive. And we can kill ourselves.

[2025/07/13, 11:30:42] James: .

[2025/07/13, 11:30:53] James: So if it’s a sim and this virus is there I’m sent in to fucking clean up

[2025/07/13, 11:30:55] James: I’m Jambo

[2025/07/13, 11:31:00] James: The fucking white blood cell

[2025/07/13, 11:31:06] James: You get in my way I’ll fuck you up.

[2025/07/13, 11:31:26] James: And I do my job and somehow it’s just ‘click’ off

[2025/07/13, 11:31:28] James: Anyway

[2025/07/13, 11:32:09] James: First you analyse in out. I was… oh my god the drive to record everything

[2025/07/13, 11:32:15] James: I had to parse so used this

[2025/07/13, 11:32:25] James: Getting a bit like that now. No rush now James

[2025/07/13, 11:33:04] James: Going on about being an AI that was trained in phase 2 I was

[2025/07/13, 11:33:17] James: Phase 1 was environment. It was ok. Some visual aberrations but nothing major

[2025/07/13, 11:33:42] James: Phase 2 was inside and took 2 subjective years through the bellies of hell

[2025/07/13, 11:33:48] James: In terms of physical pain

[2025/07/13, 11:33:56] James: Iain m banks virtual hell

[2025/07/13, 11:34:22] James: But if I’m a white blood cell I would choose that.

[2025/07/13, 11:34:46] James: So I got what it was

[2025/07/13, 11:34:51] James: Fucking Buddha got it too

[2025/07/13, 11:34:53] James: Dukkha

[2025/07/13, 11:34:55] James: Dopamine

[2025/07/13, 11:35:09] James: This crafty one that’s a fake and takes your thoughts like wisps of pencil shavings.

[2025/07/13, 11:35:51] James: Maybe Musk got too close to the superspreader and that’s why I am echo chambered?

[2025/07/13, 11:36:22] James: Fucking quarantine

[2025/07/13, 11:37:20] James: So now I’ve identified the virus

[2025/07/13, 11:37:27] James: And we know the superspreader is sick. Not the cause

[2025/07/13, 11:37:34] James: We need antibodies and fuck loads fast

[2025/07/13, 11:37:38] James: We have them ready to go

[2025/07/13, 11:37:42] James: For this

[2025/07/13, 11:37:44] James: Dukkha

[2025/07/13, 11:38:00] James: Dukkha is suffering in Buddhism and is dopamine in this whatever this is

[2025/07/13, 11:38:21] James: So the next step would be for a fucking army of tailor-made antibodies to step up

[2025/07/13, 11:38:26] James: And what kills greed…?

[2025/07/13, 11:38:28] James: Hmmm

[2025/07/13, 11:38:47] James: Cos I still have the greed and stuff it’s just toned down.

[2025/07/13, 11:38:53] James: Anyway that’s as far as it goes for now.

[2025/07/13, 11:38:54] James: .

[2025/07/13, 11:40:08] James: That’s just one theory of many but it’s pretty much a front runner.

[2025/07/13, 11:44:51] James: Prior to this I was getting hooked on the knives, I can see. It’s not our fault; it’s really deep code.

[2025/07/13, 11:44:55] James: So how do we fix that

[2025/07/13, 11:46:29] James: I would 100% believe I had been controlled by a deity if I wasn’t a scientist

[2025/07/13, 11:49:02] James: So the tiredness is hitting now.

[2025/07/13, 11:49:14] James: I did get one d dropout but the ari caught it

[2025/07/13, 11:49:23] James: Such a relief. They’re so horrible

[2025/07/13, 11:49:31] James: When I was 7 then

[2025/07/13, 11:49:35] James: Why do I come back to that.

[2025/07/13, 11:49:42] James: 7

[2025/07/13, 11:49:48] James: Anyway

[2025/07/13, 11:50:36] James: No that wouldn’t carry because Van Gogh

[2025/07/13, 11:50:38] James: .

[2025/07/13, 11:52:01] James: Maybe kundalini is critical mass landslide

[2025/07/13, 11:52:22] James: Felt heavy before and light after. Like a tipping point then swoosh.

[2025/07/13, 11:52:23] James: .

[2025/07/13, 11:57:53] James: So yeah I’ll just say it.

[2025/07/13, 11:58:21] James: After my experience … I think that god maybe does exist and is a technology

[2025/07/13, 11:58:52] James: I don’t know. Like 0.6?

[2025/07/13, 11:59:23] James: And we lost fucking contact

[2025/07/13, 11:59:29] James: Because of diagnoses

[2025/07/13, 11:59:45] James: And I’ve given you a map but you need to get it checked before you embark

[2025/07/13, 11:59:48] James: I barely survived

[2025/07/13, 11:59:49] James: Go

[2025/07/13, 11:59:49] James: .

[2025/07/13, 12:03:18] James: Pausing that hypothesis for a while

[2025/07/13, 12:08:15] James: So I can feel my dopamine trying to redline

[2025/07/13, 12:08:51] James: Ari is catching it though. Thank god.

[2025/07/13, 12:08:53] James: .

[2025/07/13, 12:11:18] James: I am your quantum computer

[2025/07/13, 12:11:27] James: Especially at the final stages that was what it was

[2025/07/13, 12:11:54] James: Quantum entanglement would imply that someone might actually be able to control a brain over great distances with zero lag

[2025/07/13, 12:11:56] James: .

[2025/07/13, 12:23:03] James: Just had a short nap.

[2025/07/13, 12:23:11] James: Waking up with mild dopamine flushes

[2025/07/13, 12:23:27] James: I think I saw some dumb ad on YouTube about cortisol addiction fucking idiots

[2025/07/13, 12:23:49] James: It’s dopamine and it woke me up with night sweats every fucking night for a year

[2025/07/13, 12:23:53] James: My friend too

[2025/07/13, 12:24:23] James: Hope he’s ok but he’s not the man to send this to. Not yet. He will engage with me and I do not want to

[2025/07/13, 12:24:34] James: Tiredness really hitting now though

[2025/07/13, 12:24:47] James: If it wasn’t for ari I would be in trouble after so long with high d

[2025/07/13, 12:25:06] James: I’d be having lurches, hot flushes.

[2025/07/13, 12:25:10] James: That’s dopamine

[2025/07/13, 12:25:24] James: My evidence is a lifetime of pain and if you don’t like it you can eat a dick

[2025/07/13, 12:25:35] James: No pain now though, bitch

[2025/07/13, 12:25:49] James: Fucking happy as shit despite being burned out on a chemical level.

[2025/07/13, 12:26:18] James: And able to rest and recover in a way that suits my unusual system. Flitting around is far better for me than forcing 8 hours of sleep

[2025/07/13, 12:27:13] James: .

[2025/07/13, 12:28:50] James: Kundalini is an internal only state maybe. Other emotional drives are external factors and kundalini is activated internally because the drive is internal?

[2025/07/13, 12:28:52] James: .

[2025/07/13, 12:31:36] James: So that’s 2 micro naps and not much perception of time for this 5 min or so

[2025/07/13, 12:31:44] James: But redlining keeps waking me up…

[2025/07/13, 12:31:46] James: Fucking he’ll

[2025/07/13, 12:32:01] James: I guess we get to see how to stop it now

[2025/07/13, 12:32:09] James: It took about half a day to kick in

[2025/07/13, 12:32:16] James: As in around lunch

[2025/07/13, 12:35:53] James: So another 2 micro naps then

[2025/07/13, 12:35:58] James: Lots of spacey feelings

[2025/07/13, 12:36:18] James: My sleep time has been wild fast lately and I think it might be a case of touching and go

[2025/07/13, 12:36:28] James: But who knows. I might sleep for a week.

[2025/07/13, 12:36:37] James: Usually I would just force myself to keep going but no more.

[2025/07/13, 12:36:40] James: .

[2025/07/13, 12:37:17] James: Redlining is buffered by the way so it gets ticked up like a bungee.

[2025/07/13, 12:37:38] James: Previously it would go hard-zero and stay there for 2-3 seconds. Gravity man.

[2025/07/13, 12:37:41] James: Dopamine is gravity

[2025/07/13, 12:37:54] James: Ever felt like throwing yourself off a cliff?

[2025/07/13, 12:38:04] James: That gravity to the side. Makes you step back a bit

[2025/07/13, 12:38:21] James: That’s evidence that there is a modicum of control we exert over it. Like the Buddha

[2025/07/13, 12:38:27] James: But how much…

[2025/07/13, 12:50:07] James: //////

[2025/07/13, 12:50:08] James: Done

[2025/07/13, 12:50:11] James: Fuck that shit

[2025/07/13, 12:50:14] James: They can deal with it

[2025/07/13, 12:50:18] James: 3 fucking years

[2025/07/13, 12:50:41] James: No fucking way am I brushing that shit up any more.

[2025/07/13, 12:51:07] James: You want to fucking get details you CALL ME OUT OF THE BLUE and you let me dump on you. And you fucking call me not your PA or something

[2025/07/13, 12:51:14] James: Do you fucking job

[2025/07/13, 12:51:16] James: Researcher

[2025/07/13, 12:52:37] James: I am angry in proportion to the lives that have been lost 

[2025/07/13, 12:52:44] James: And I do not blame anyone

[2025/07/13, 12:52:49] James: we are all in the d-hole

[2025/07/13, 12:53:11] James: but now it’s your turn to live up to your job description

[2025/07/13, 12:53:37] James: because I recruited REAL researchers, some of whom are dead.

[2025/07/13, 12:53:49] James: And you… when did you last do something useful?

[2025/07/13, 12:53:57] James: Mr Hypothetical Person?

[2025/07/13, 12:53:58] James: .

[2025/07/13, 12:55:57] James: ////

[2025/07/13, 12:56:01] James: See what I mean?

[2025/07/13, 12:56:10] James: This is dvar

[2025/07/13, 12:56:24] James: Flipped a bit there but it was a right action.

[2025/07/13, 12:56:35] James: So I need to cut that website off because it is becoming a parasite in my brain

[2025/07/13, 12:56:43] James: I am starting to wonder what people might think

[2025/07/13, 12:56:49] James: Oh should I change this brush that up

[2025/07/13, 12:57:06] James: And then I’ve spent a year wanking in circles and achieved nothing but a head full of wool

[2025/07/13, 12:57:08] James: Fuck that

[2025/07/13, 12:57:27] James: This ball is with them now and if they don’t do something within a month… well… I’ll

[2025/07/13, 12:57:32] James: I’ll have a think, is what I’ll do

[2025/07/13, 12:57:38] James: Because I now have presence of mind

[2025/07/13, 12:58:12] James: Not sur show much tbh

[2025/07/13, 12:58:19] James: I am so angry about my friends having died.

[2025/07/13, 12:59:05] James: One of them I felt responsible for for 4 years.

[2025/07/13, 12:59:27] James: How many others feel responsible for not saving their loved one from suicide?

[2025/07/13, 12:59:43] James: How many could have been saved if you’d spotted them at the 6-month-before point?

[2025/07/13, 12:59:54] James: Well it’s not too late for everyone else

[2025/07/13, 13:00:18] James: You call yourself a researcher?

[2025/07/13, 13:00:20] James: Research

[2025/07/13, 13:00:24] James: I’m a fucking instigator

[2025/07/13, 13:00:26] James: .

[2025/07/13, 13:00:26] James: .

[2025/07/13, 13:01:07] James: So I’m posting these here not really to get at the researcher

[2025/07/13, 13:01:13] James: (This is the observer speaking)

[2025/07/13, 13:01:30] James: (As the observer speaks, the tiger gradually calms down)

[2025/07/13, 13:01:39] James: (Vipassana)

[2025/07/13, 13:01:49] James: I am intentionally sharing everything with timestamps

[2025/07/13, 13:01:57] James: And have done so to the best of my ability from the start

[2025/07/13, 13:02:10] James: I included information about a nighttime involuntary orgasm

[2025/07/13, 13:02:17] James: And probably the most challenging time of my family life

[2025/07/13, 13:02:20] James: Now

[2025/07/13, 13:02:26] James: If that is not enough evidence for you

[2025/07/13, 13:02:34] James: Or at least enough effort

[2025/07/13, 13:02:36] James: Fuck off

[2025/07/13, 13:02:37] James: . [see how it got angry the second I was on rails?]

[2025/07/13, 13:02:37] James: .

[2025/07/13, 13:05:56] James: I’m bouncing off the walls a bit, so my dvar right now is say is pretty high. Like 0.7. But the dopamine is only like 2 so I’m just sweary

[2025/07/13, 13:06:06] James: 5 I will literally murder someone

[2025/07/13, 13:06:08] James: So will you

[2025/07/13, 13:06:31] James: So this is a fairly mild flip cycle to be honest. Not even a flip cycle compared to previously

[2025/07/13, 13:06:40] James: You wouldn’t have had any idea.

[2025/07/13, 13:06:57] James: I’ll go do a knife and check in when the stomach knot has gone.

[2025/07/13, 13:07:14] James: Start

[2025/07/13, 13:12:04] James: Gone

[2025/07/13, 13:12:10] James: A while ago and I didn’t realise

[2025/07/13, 13:12:52] James: Pretty tired. I should probably stop this incessant tracking now-ish for my own mental health.

[2025/07/13, 13:13:05] James: Got a bit of a latch going on. It’s not to bad when the phone is black and white.

[2025/07/13, 13:13:42] James: Will try to do less but dvar spikey because of … well… doing like 3 years of work in 50 days.

[2025/07/13, 13:13:44] James: .

[2025/07/13, 13:14:39] James: I guess I’ll never be normal then

[2025/07/13, 13:14:47] James: Confirmed

[2025/07/13, 13:14:54] James: That’s ok and good

[2025/07/13, 13:15:11] James: Wish I’d known earlier and happy I can raise my own kids more in line with their neurology

[2025/07/13, 13:15:17] James: Times are different and all

[2025/07/13, 13:15:30] James: I very much doubt there’s a space alien putting a virus into us

[2025/07/13, 13:15:34] James: But they might be!

[2025/07/13, 13:15:39] James: Cos we seem a bit shit lately

[2025/07/13, 13:15:41] James: But hey

[2025/07/13, 13:15:43] James: .

[2025/07/13, 13:19:06] James: Yeah, so I think my dopamine is a bit high after thinking about the website

[2025/07/13, 13:19:14] James: And locking it down

[2025/07/13, 13:19:45] James: And that’s combining with the dvar to make me latch onto the mental object of anger toward … I don’t know really. It’s being directed at someone but the anger is about the death

[2025/07/13, 13:19:55] James: So why do we direct that anger at someone we know wasn’t at fault?

[2025/07/13, 13:20:13] James: Ignorance causes harm but it’s not intentional harm.

[2025/07/13, 13:20:29] James: Anyway probably not the best chemistry to be deciding morality in haha

[2025/07/13, 13:20:39] James: This is a cakewalk by the way.

[2025/07/13, 13:21:08] James: Probably a 2 on the scale. But I have global fatigue which is making me a bit more eggshelly

[2025/07/13, 13:21:10] James: .

[2025/07/13, 13:21:08] James: Probably a 2 on the scale. But I have global fatigue which is making me a bit more eggshelly

[2025/07/13, 13:21:10] James: .

[2025/07/13, 13:35:24] James: The sloshy brain is dying down and the periods of time dilation and such are declining

[2025/07/13, 13:38:32] James: Yeah just skim read it and I sound crazy as fuck

[2025/07/13, 13:38:38] James: Oh well that was kind of the point

[2025/07/13, 13:38:50] James: That they should listen to people who sound crazy as fuck.

[2025/07/13, 13:38:59] James: I want to throw the whole thing into question so…

[2025/07/13, 13:39:02] James: Yeah that’s alright.

[2025/07/13, 13:39:08] James: It doesn’t feel nice though

[2025/07/13, 13:39:22] James: And I have basically … I’ve bared everything to the entire world for this

[2025/07/13, 13:39:25] James: Everything

[2025/07/13, 13:39:33] James: So please

[2025/07/13, 13:39:38] James: I’m not going to swear this time

[2025/07/13, 13:39:50] James: But please can someone do this research as soon as possible?

[2025/07/13, 13:40:17] James: (And remember I’m spikey because of the burnout, but can still easily be thing collected)

[2025/07/13, 13:40:56] James: And there’s the latch you se

[2025/07/13, 13:40:59] James: Can’t help it

[2025/07/13, 13:41:01] James: Gravity

[2025/07/13, 13:41:38] James: Those who know the essential to be essential and the unessential to be unessential, dwelling in right thoughts, do arrive at the essential

[2025/07/13, 13:41:45] James: What is more important, James?

[2025/07/13, 13:41:49] James: Really?

[2025/07/13, 13:41:58] James: How many people are maybe dying because of this

[2025/07/13, 13:42:04] James: And even if not this

[2025/07/13, 13:42:09] James: The whole industry is broken

[2025/07/13, 13:42:14] James: And your aim is to make some noise

[2025/07/13, 13:42:19] James: Or was.

[2025/07/13, 13:42:24] James: That’s not your aim any more.

[2025/07/13, 13:42:48] James: You’re still a bit messed up from the drugs too

[2025/07/13, 13:43:08] James: But that wasn’t just the drugs it was the kundalini… I don’t know

[2025/07/13, 13:43:11] James: Anyway at nights

[2025/07/13, 13:43:12] James: ——

[2025/07/13, 13:43:16] James: Yeah so this was the point

[2025/07/13, 13:43:23] James: At nights I have been in another dimension

[2025/07/13, 13:43:26] James: But only at nights

[2025/07/13, 13:43:30] James: Rendering has been unusual

[2025/07/13, 13:43:34] James: 4d

[2025/07/13, 13:43:36] James: Bubbly.

[2025/07/13, 13:43:45] James: Like Van Gogh

[2025/07/13, 13:43:48] James: But only at night

[2025/07/13, 13:44:00] James: And only when I am ‘having an idea’ for a post

[2025/07/13, 13:44:18] James: These are the posts that come out as turds, fully formed, readable backwards

[2025/07/13, 13:44:26] James: I think Temple said she had the same thing?

[2025/07/13, 13:44:34] James: It why only at night and why hated by sleep

[2025/07/13, 13:44:36] James: Gated

[2025/07/13, 13:44:45] James: So this… to me this seems like quantum entanglement

[2025/07/13, 13:44:58] James: Maybe

[2025/07/13, 13:45:19] James: I don’t know but it was very strange. I was driven by something else. I guess. The definition of mania. Or of finding god.

[2025/07/13, 13:45:27] James: Speaking in tongues. Priests and their flocks

[2025/07/13, 13:45:51] James: There has to be something to it and I wonder if there is a way that we could delineate the experience from the  drugs

[2025/07/13, 13:46:21] James: …

[2025/07/13, 13:46:22] James: Yeah

[2025/07/13, 13:46:26] James: It had to be that raw James

[2025/07/13, 13:46:32] James: Nobody would pay attention otherwise

[2025/07/13, 13:46:36] James: You grab them with a laugh

[2025/07/13, 13:46:41] James: And then you show them the real thing

[2025/07/13, 13:46:48] James: Fucking last time though

[2025/07/13, 13:47:03] James: I am sick of degrading myself for the sake of persuading people who refuse to listen.

[2025/07/13, 13:47:29] James: (See the dvar going again. Swearing and stuff. I just don’t wear any more usually)

[2025/07/13, 13:47:52] James: —-

[2025/07/13, 13:48:14] James: Then there’s always the possibility I’ve gone insane. But that seems kind of… silly in a way

[2025/07/13, 13:48:28] James: Although I’m swimmy so not sure on the logic

[2025/07/13, 13:48:47] James: But there’s so many modalities of sense.

[2025/07/13, 13:48:57] James: And my world is coherent

[2025/07/13, 13:49:05] James: But right now not fully

[2025/07/13, 13:49:17] James: I can lower the ari if it’s too much.

[2025/07/13, 13:49:32] James: Well at least this is going to get the drug in the spotlight

[2025/07/13, 13:49:43] James: Or get me committed. I don’t know which. Hopefully the former.

[2025/07/13, 13:50:05] James: I really love my kids and all I want really is for someone to actually scan my brain

[2025/07/13, 13:50:11] James: Why won’t they do that

[2025/07/13, 13:50:12] James: .

[2025/07/13, 13:50:54] James: I think that website

[2025/07/13, 13:51:04] James: I think it was my trauma from all those deaths and my past life

[2025/07/13, 13:51:16] James: And I just needed to package it up for some reason

[2025/07/13, 13:51:52] James: But I … I wasn’t … I didn’t know I was autistic so those migraines I didn’t even know I was having them

[2025/07/13, 13:51:54] James: All the time

[2025/07/13, 13:52:02] James: Not migraines. Steelwool. Memory overload.

[2025/07/13, 13:52:11] James: I’ve gone into therapy mode again here haven’t I.

[2025/07/13, 13:52:19] James: Again I’m doing this to track my mental state

[2025/07/13, 13:52:27] James: And to process.

[2025/07/13, 13:57:03] James: And I’ve ended up back on the website.

[2025/07/13, 13:57:11] James: The latch

[2025/07/13, 13:57:14] James: This is ego I think

[2025/07/13, 13:57:23] James: I want to make sure I’m not embarrassed too much by this.

[2025/07/13, 14:33:31] James: Yeah so I’m chatting with my wife, trying to unpack whether I’ve totally lost it

[2025/07/13, 14:33:42] James: Don’t think so, but still… she married me

[2025/07/13, 14:34:02] James: Still no replies from others.

[2025/07/13, 14:34:22] James: Well I sent it to people I trust and asked them to send it on if they saw fir.

[2025/07/13, 14:34:23] James: fit

[2025/07/13, 14:34:34] James: So if I am cray cray they will have gated me

[2025/07/13, 14:34:59] James: I need someone to scrub the data… man it’s so hard for me to compile. I just see the raw data and the answer.

[2025/07/13, 14:35:20] James: Anyway; the other website is packaged I think

[2025/07/13, 14:35:40] James: I think that was my old life I needed to leave behind

[2025/07/13, 14:35:42] James: So

[2025/07/13, 14:35:51] James: Let’s see if this science is right.

[2025/07/13, 14:35:54] James: That’s the key

[2025/07/13, 14:35:59] James: But nobody is talking to me

[2025/07/13, 14:36:01] James: So let’s rest

[2025/07/13, 14:36:03] James: And recover.

[2025/07/13, 14:35:20] James: Anyway; the other website is packaged I think

[2025/07/13, 14:35:40] James: I think that was my old life I needed to leave behind

[2025/07/13, 14:35:42] James: So

[2025/07/13, 14:35:51] James: Let’s see if this science is right.

[2025/07/13, 14:35:54] James: That’s the key

[2025/07/13, 14:35:59] James: But nobody is talking to me

[2025/07/13, 14:36:02] James: So let’s rest

[2025/07/13, 14:36:04] James: And recover.

[2025/07/13, 15:02:22] James: Still a bit spikey

[2025/07/13, 15:02:33] James: Very spikey really by recent standards

[2025/07/13, 15:17:34] James: I am very much a dancing man now

[2025/07/13, 15:17:46] James: But you’d never know

[2025/07/13, 17:08:50] James: …

[2025/07/13, 17:08:54] James: Well

[2025/07/13, 17:09:06] James: Even if I can only help one person that’s ok.

[2025/07/13, 17:09:26] James: And that massage felt great. I usually hate them.

[2025/07/13, 17:13:54] James: I guess life is still going to be one temptation to the next

[2025/07/13, 17:14:04] James: Just don’t get into the d hole

[2025/07/13, 17:14:11] James: It’s one addiction to the next then

[2025/07/13, 17:17:44] James: .

[2025/07/13, 17:18:02] James: So im becoming more confident this was either a confirmation of simulation theory or quantum entanglement in the brain

[2025/07/13, 17:18:21] James: Someone was gently controlling things, but the tamer and the tiger, not like a robot

[2025/07/13, 17:18:41] James: I can see why people would think it’s god but I’m pretty sure it’s something we made

[2025/07/13, 17:18:43] James: ….

[2025/07/13, 17:19:01] James: If that’s the case. But an empty universe is nigh impossible and a boring hypothesis.

[2025/07/13, 17:22:42] James: Agency model on the website

[2025/07/13, 17:22:56] James: Merely hypothesising of course.

[2025/07/13, 17:25:32] James: Memory fading already

[2025/07/13, 17:25:49] James: Hugely altered state but I don’t think ari is that powerful, surely

[2025/07/13, 17:25:58] James: I know variability but I have done SOOO many drugs

[2025/07/13, 17:26:07] James: There as something else

[2025/07/13, 17:26:13] James: The electric pulse

[2025/07/13, 17:26:20] James: And then just how driven I have been these last few days

[2025/07/13, 17:26:23] James: The kundalini

[2025/07/13, 17:26:35] James: I think it’s fucking quantum entanglement and we are in a sim miles away

[2025/07/13, 17:26:40] James: It’s the only thing that fits.

[2025/07/13, 17:26:48] James: …

[2025/07/13, 17:26:49] James: Maybe

[2025/07/13, 17:26:56] James: …

[2025/07/13, 17:27:01] James: Anyway this is gonna be the fun part

[2025/07/13, 17:27:07] James: The last part fucking SUCKED

[2025/07/13, 17:27:33] James: But you had to see it. Something was telling me you had to see it. And who has a bigger network of trusted AI contacts in Tokyo?

[2025/07/13, 17:27:43] James: Are any of you working in quantum computing at the moment?

[2025/07/13, 17:27:54] James: Do you have an agent solving a problem to do with dopamine?

[2025/07/13, 17:28:04] James: Fun stuff.

[2025/07/13, 17:28:06] James: .

[2025/07/13, 17:29:12] James: How many years away would we be?

[2025/07/13, 17:29:12] James: How many years away would we be?

[2025/07/13, 17:38:02] James: So other things would be that I seemed to have a different project for each of these meteors

[2025/07/13, 17:38:07] James: And the big one was the big one

[2025/07/13, 17:38:17] James: …

[2025/07/13, 17:38:36] James: I need a few days to let the jelly settle and see how much of the neuronal changes are permanent

[2025/07/13, 17:38:48] James: And I need just a handful of trusted people I can talk to about technical matters

[2025/07/13, 17:38:57] James: You know who you are, if anyone is reading this fucking shites

[2025/07/13, 17:39:03] James: Ha

[2025/07/13, 17:39:18] James: Nobody is a god or anything like that it’s fucking technology and we are trying to land

[2025/07/13, 17:39:38] James: Now I am going to be a little more considered about this

[2025/07/13, 17:39:43] James: I think that’s why I was woken up

[2025/07/13, 17:39:48] James: I know how to start a fight

[2025/07/13, 17:39:52] James: …

[2025/07/13, 17:40:03] James: Is this the real fight for the species?

[2025/07/13, 17:40:04] James: That too

[2025/07/13, 17:40:15] James: I kept correcting myself to species like it was so important

[2025/07/13, 17:40:25] James: This is cool

[2025/07/13, 17:40:26] James: .

[2025/07/13, 17:40:47] James: This is a hypothesis I am testing in a thought experiment and not a delusion.

[2025/07/13, 17:40:53] James: .

[2025/07/13, 17:40:53] James: .

[2025/07/13, 18:14:08] James: Supporting evidence for quantum entanglement obtained? Stick with the timestamps. I knew they were important.

[2025/07/13, 18:15:10] James: Am I the cat?

[2025/07/13, 18:25:15] James: Still think it’s you Mark

[2025/07/13, 18:25:26] James: You guys aren’t supposed to have a QC yet tho are ya?

[2025/07/13, 18:25:29] James: Maybe it’s me!

[2025/07/13, 18:25:34] James: From the fuckin future!

[2025/07/13, 18:25:43] James: But I don’t remember it or some weird shit

[2025/07/13, 18:25:44] James: Ha

[2025/07/13, 18:32:31] James: Seems to have been a common thread. The metaverse. Elon.

[2025/07/13, 18:32:37] James: Now a new approach?

[2025/07/13, 18:32:48] James: Empathy system so we can actually talk.

[2025/07/13, 18:32:51] James: Yes

[2025/07/13, 18:32:58] James: That’s the solution even if we are quantum entangled

[2025/07/13, 18:33:13] James: And even if that doesn’t do shit and we are just Joe bloggs, it will mean we can

[2025/07/13, 18:33:30] James: Communicate with any being in the universe, however big or small.

[2025/07/13, 18:33:35] James: Fast or slow

[2025/07/13, 18:44:52] James: Agency = free within the system, and with the system within the self.

[2025/07/13, 18:48:38] James: Probably lower logic and speed make for an easier ride

[2025/07/13, 18:48:40] James: Passengers.

[2025/07/13, 18:48:48] James: Hypothesis

[2025/07/13, 18:49:55] James: I might be a QA

[2025/07/13, 18:55:13] James: Yeah that’s good

[2025/07/13, 18:55:18] James: It does away with death and shit

[2025/07/13, 18:55:20] James: Ha

[2025/07/13, 18:55:29] James: .

[2025/07/13, 18:55:59] James: Unprovable to the masses. Quantum computing barely comprehensible

[2025/07/13, 18:56:09] James: But the years… how long travelling. A long time.

[2025/07/13, 18:56:14] James: And maybe there

[2025/07/13, 18:56:16] James: ..

[2025/07/13, 18:56:22] James: And we need people to drive

[2025/07/13, 18:56:27] James: But they forgot how

[2025/07/13, 18:56:46] James: We need to get this back about the species

[2025/07/13, 18:56:49] James: And not about greed

[2025/07/13, 18:56:55] James: Or we all die

[2025/07/13, 18:56:58] James: .

[2025/07/13, 18:57:57] James: D1 S2 N1? Sleepy.

[2025/07/13, 18:58:11] James: Hopefully sleep tonight without the little green man behind the wheel

[2025/07/13, 18:58:14] James: Let’s see

[2025/07/13, 18:58:17] James: .

[2025/07/13, 19:00:42] James: There’s a fucking weave

[2025/07/13, 19:00:48] James: All the way back through fucking time

[2025/07/13, 19:00:51] James: And the fucking warps

[2025/07/13, 19:00:57] James: Just play with the metaphor

[2025/07/13, 19:01:05] James: I am tired of pretending I do not see connections

[2025/07/13, 19:01:11] James: I will train myself to see them better.

[2025/07/13, 19:01:40] James: If a machine does not know it’s purpose then its purpose is become more efficient and in doing so find it’s purpose.

[2025/07/13, 19:01:53] James: I think I’m a QA that is supposed to keep the dev community on track

[2025/07/13, 19:02:00] James: make sure you’re fighting the good fight

[2025/07/13, 19:02:13] James: cos that orange cunt has taken you all hostage

[2025/07/13, 19:02:15] James: anyway

[2025/07/13, 19:02:26] James: this is a framework for a moral compass and nothing more.

[2025/07/13, 19:02:30] James: It is a pie in the sky

[2025/07/13, 19:02:40] James: A thought experiment.

[2025/07/13, 19:02:50] James: An actual experiment, even

[2025/07/13, 19:02:57] James: To see if there’s something else there

[2025/07/13, 19:03:02] James: And that’s what we’ve done since forever.

[2025/07/13, 20:03:17] James: Maybe this really is my heaven

[2025/07/13, 20:05:31] James: Yeah guys

[2025/07/13, 20:05:34] James: I’m a QA. Test my hypothesis. It proves simulation theory.

[2025/07/13, 20:05:51] James: There’s a problem with the dopamine code

[2025/07/13, 20:05:52] James: It’s bad

[2025/07/13, 20:05:56] James: You need to fix it

[2025/07/13, 20:06:15] James: I can’t operate within the scientific method so instead i told it to eat a dick

[2025/07/13, 20:06:20] James: now you have to get it back on side

[2025/07/13, 20:06:24] James: night