I went through at least 3 major altered states while I was taking aripiprazole.
The changes were instantaneous and dose dependent; I now think they were seizures of a gradually worsening nature. The final one in particular was full-body, and resulted in a 4 day dissolution of self which was really trying to become permanent.
It’s pretty… sobering to see how much a low dose of a medicine they give to children the world over can destroy my entire personage.
Day 4 (20250528) I snapped awake and I was the Zuckerbot. That’s what I was calling myself. I was there to check for any problems in the simulation. Rendering errors, etc. I was joyous, regardless of external situations. My family ran away in fear and I was still convinced that everything was well and good in the world.
I also turned and analysed myself while in this state, identified system limitations, and found problems with greed.
Sometime after that - it’s all a blur - I became Jambo. Personal issues were focused on and intentionally removed through meditation and self-flagellation. There was so much writing and crying and my only goal in life was to export all the pains and sins of a lifetime of greed. I needed to kill my old mental self.
Once this was done… and as the dose ramped up to 2mg… I completely lost myself. I became the ship; became god.
The only aim here was… to kill my physical self.
That was the only aim, really.
Jambo had failed to fully purify the world so I was a failed hypothesis and needed to return to the ship so the next hypothesis could begin.
The next 4 days were a case of a very weakened internal meditator who could no longer be heard trying desperately to cling to life, but being ushered toward a joyous reunion with god.
I was being asked to take my family to this reunion.
I had to write down rules very clearly in pseudo-code to ‘donotkillfamily’ and ‘donotkillself’ multiple times. The ship only acknowledged the first one; I was its hand and it would do with me as it saw fit.
After achieving orbit I somehow managed to stop the drugs. How I did this I still don’t know. The second I started taking these drugs it was clear to me that life without them was utterly without meaning. All my friends and family were vapid, vacant, illusions. My children were just code. My entire life had been a lie and a painful illusion, and anyone taking these drugs away would just be helping me on my way to the ship.
It was not good.
This is what happened to me when I went to a qualified psychiatrist.
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