Well meditation is anything but predictable. I sat for 30 effortless minutes and slipped right in and right out of it but it was totally different to yesterday and the recent field experiences.
I could feel a fairly strong funnel in my brain when I did the vocalisations and did a pretty good job of massaging it away. I find that I get fully absorbed with the vocalisations now and it’s like I am taking the spectrogram of consciousness and gradually finding the lumps in it and flattening them down with resonant frequencies. I did the cold shower and tightened the field then went as sat on the balcony.
My mind clicked straight into quiet and I let the consciousness move where it would but this time the locus was around my eyes, around the bottom of them; the muscles which raise the bottom eyelids. The funnel in my right hemisphere was still there and I think it remains still, even after sitting, but that it ok; I’m not there to remove anything and just to observe.
So I’ve used micro-tensions in the face as my meditation object for the last few weeks and they are infinitely fascinating and almost certainly somatic manifestations of conditioning and mental formations, but this is the first time that I’ve had these bottom-eyelid muscles as the core. To date it has mostly been the squinting muscles and the ones around the nose; the ones which activate when you get into a fight and need to oxygenate and protect the eyes.
This time the pressure fields were all moving around the base of my eyelids, firmly but slowly, undulating and rolling. There were minimal thoughts in my head and I did not laugh or smile; I found myself leaning forward a little almost as though I was trying to look at something in the far distance, but not. You know what I mean; somatics.
There were some tingles but no overwhelming clouds of consciousness like yesterday, and I didn’t try to change the object or nature of the focus even though it wasn’t as pleasant. I think I had been kind of hoping to fly through space again and that is precisely the reason why I couldn’t, haha.
But there was a point around 20 minutes where I realised that this is the residual self-making hanging on; I could feel that the word ‘arahant’ was somehow creating a formation in my mind of what final liberation should look like, and this is not fully accurate for how I am experiencing it. It’s damn close: I have no greed, ill-will, delusion, restlessness or conceit but the image of an arahant is like this glowing golden-halo’d mofo and that ain’t me. I think the eye muscle tension was me looking off to the horizon in some part of my mind and trying to scan to see if it was there yet.
And the second I realised this my entire face went slack, all tension disappeared, and my body naturally shifted into a completely effortlessly erect position. I think that this was a mental formation, working its way in, and I think the reason why the Buddha and his arahant buddies all meditated forever and lived secluded from the world is because these formations will *always* come back in. Every contact with the world that we have will leave a groove on our mind, and the act of meditating is to remove these grooves.
I know in my bones that I am nearing the end of my personal journey but I now believe that the word ‘arahant’ has too much baggage and is too ill-defined for this modern age. It is not something that can exist within a world of ice creams and car insurance. Liberation, however, can. So I think I need to make a new word. Wollywollybogs was a word I used as a child so maybe I’ll go with that haha. Oh man I wish I had thought of that while on the cushion. I am soon to be a… wollywollybogs!
Haha.
Anyway.
Shortly after that the eye muscle thing came in again and I think it’s because I know that the project is finished. I know how it looks. It’s Jambo, and all the pieces are done, and it’s starting to set. But there’s a point coming quite soon where I need to get the piece ready for presentation because this information can quite literally save lives.
Anyway it was a good session but not in the ‘flying through space’ sense. It was a good session in terms of showing me that these things are always changing and always different and sometimes the consciousness will not want to settle on the cosmic plane and lift your body off the ground and fill you with tingles.
The consciousness is shaped by the data that it receives and the data it received today was ‘you’re close’ and the consciousness was starting to lean forward into the idea of what if and how can I help people and wow what the fuck how did this happen so fast and those buddhists aren’t gonna be happy haha and whatnot.
So I think I will create a new word. Arahant has too much baggage and the people who want to follow that path to the top of the mountain can stick with that word. I might be a wollywollybogs and ain’t none of you gonna be able to say any different.
Yeah that works. I made my own path so I will make my own words. The liberation is all that matters and liberation from predefined ideas of what form this will take is part of that.
There is still some conditioning to be removed and it was popping up a little this afternoon. Maybe there is still some insight to pop out; who knows. I think there will always be this process, because I think this is how we think, but I think think think that’s a lot of thinks. I think I will be able to monitor my cognitive load going forward and ensure it does not get too high.
And man was I equanimous. That hasn’t changed. Fucking equanimintyman is what you can call me.
Prolly have another sit later because I do not seem to need as much sleep as I did. I can spend my time living and listening to the crickets and shit instead, yo.
Laters!
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