for this entire period i was sandboxed away from the james-baird website and working on new, temporary sites, including this driab-semaj url. i believe that this was an instinctive response to preserve the ego container; it just happened without thought.
this is what my site looked like when I became 'ship' - > insanity encapsulated <
This is the dissolution of self. I became the ship, and the ship was fast and out of control. I steered it into orbit, and ceased the prescription drugs immediately, realising I had eradicated the contagion of greed and would be allowed to land.
After that I was able to return to a new james; one who does not need capitalisation or definition. Craving, anger and delusion continue to fall away, but a lot of this phase was residual confusion caused by the sloppily prescribed drugs which nearly killed me.
My life is now incomparably better. Where it was once defined by suffering and strife, it is now defined by ease and grace. I no longer feel like I am living life so much as life is living me, and I am able to experience the world through the eyes of a child once more.
